Day 5 …

Today I have a day off work .. I get one every two weeks. For the past year (or more) my day off has started with me not being able to get up. My boys go to school and husband goes to work, I have loads to do, but I lie in bed, feeling exhausted, upset, down and sometimes anxious. I lie there in self pity until I fall asleep. I have often cancelled my gym class and slept until lunch finally forcing myself up to try and get stuff done.

Today I am awake. I have been awake since 7.30am and I don’t feel upset, anxious or exhausted. I’m going to make myself my second cup of tea and make a plan for my day. Thoughts come into my head, I want to message people I shouldn’t (I’ll share that issue another day) but I feel calm about it and know I won’t. I know I’m going to be productive. It’s a relief. I have been on antidepressants for over a year (with a 5 mth break) and not once have I felt this sense I’d calm.

I am thinking a lot about this weekend. My brother has organised a weekend away for 6 couples in a cottage. His 50th is in December and this is part of the celebrations. I purposefully didn’t think about what I would do regarding alcohol because I wanted to get my journey started and that would’ve stopped me. Now I have to decide and I’ve decided I’m not going to drink. It’s so scary and I have no idea how I’m going to manage but I’m not ready to give up on this feeling of waking up calm, refreshed and (dare I say it?) content.

So, on day 5, I am not going to drink this weekend.

Published by clairei47

My name is Claire. I am a mum, a wife and I work for the NHS. For as long as I can remember I have drank alcohol and my relationship with it has become increasingly complex over recent years. I’m 47 and I want to be physically and mentally healthy. I want to be present in my life and enjoy the journey, not drown it out with wine and hangovers. I have decided to detail how things progress via this blog. I know nothing about blogging but I think support from others is essential. Maybe one day I can help someone with my story. I started my sober journey on 17th November 2019; long may it continue.

3 thoughts on “Day 5 …

  1. It’s really scary at first. But, “One day at a time.” You only have to make it through this one day. And… “take it easy.” These are the sayings that often help me the most.

    The sayings are from AA, which I don’t attend, but I have read most of the AA Big Book, which is awesome btw. There’s also This Naked Mind, by Annie Grace, for a different (non-spiritual) angle. I have links on the front page of my blog to both of those if you haven’t read them already.

    xoxo n

    Liked by 1 person

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