Proud and tired.

Oh wow!!!!! I have made it through my first week as a sober individual. I have even managed a weekend away with 15 other people drinking to celebrate my brother’s 50th. I thought I’d be absolutely buzzing but in all honesty I’m totally exhausted. It’s wiped me out. Is that normal? Maybe it’s the amount of energy required to keep myself off it, especially when it’s all around me. Or maybe it’s my body now trying to get used to no alcohol, wondering what the bloody hell is going on.

I felt really good yesterday and have generally felt much better in the mornings. My sleep is still quite disrupted, which surprises me. I actually wake around 5am feeling like I have a mild hangover .. I have to tell myself it can’t be the case. I guess all this is part of the early journey and I just have to go with the flow. I can’t say ‘going with the flow’ is particularly easy for me but I have to learn I can’t control everything in life, so best start getting used to that now I suppose.

I do feel like I’m a bit on the boring side when I’m not drinking and I don’t feel as relaxed in a social situation, but maybe that was because I didn’t really know many people very well. I’m trying not to over think it (as I normally do) and simply congratulate myself on succeeding. I also noticed, looking from the outside in, how little some people actually drink. Particularly the women that were there. I mean, they maybe had 3 glasses of wine, 4 at the most, the ENTIRE evening. When I drank, I assumed everyone had the same amount. Nope, that was clearly just me on my second bottle.

Anyway, my blog isn’t going to be as eloquent, funny or insightful as many others. My posts will generally just be a few thoughts and my attempts to process feelings and situations, but I hope those of you that read them will stick with me. One thing that has astounded me is how absolutely lovely people are on here. The support you have already given me and the way you help and support each other is truly impressive and so valuable. A particular shout out to Jim, a fellow Brit, who took me under his wing a few days ago and has truly made a difference to how I managed this (Thanks Jim and congrats on achieving your personal milestone today).

My second week starts here and I’m looking forward to finding out what other positive things AF brings me.

Claire x

12 thoughts on “Proud and tired.”

  1. Yay! Happy One Week, Claire!
    Yes, it takes our bodies time to adjust to no alcohol, so time is your friend here.
    I also found I had more social anxiety than I thought, when I had first stopped drinking.
    I learned new ways to relax in groups, by focusing on the food and conversations, not trying to be the life of the party anymore. Not that I ever was, lol.
    I also found that many people didn’t drink as much as I thought! One friend just nurses her drink for several hours!
    Hugs!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s so true about others nursing their drinks. I’d never really noticed that before (only if it was preventing me having another one!)

      I think I probably am more awkward in an unfamiliar setting than I originally thought. I always saw myself as confident and socially at ease generally but I’m not sure that really is the case. Lots to learn and navigate.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Huge congrats!!!! A week is awesome. Keep going. Already love your blog. Btw have you read The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley? A must read if you’re a Brit and a mum, I’d say. Her book is wonderful and fun and she talks about things like this tired feeling. A beachy kind of read. Can get it on kindle or Audibles as well. xoxoxo

    Liked by 2 people

      1. All good thanks. :))
        Yay, enjoy! A fun read. I read it well into my sober journey, so had experienced much of what she’d gone through already, but I think at the beginning it would’ve been particularly entertaining/inspiring. Have a lovely eve :))

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Well done Claire, disrupted sleep is something that happened to me during the first few weeks. What you should get after a while is a return of deep NREM sleep which is often restricted by alcohol and which we need to feel properly rejuvenated (Matthew Walker’s book why we sleep is a great read BTW.) thanks for the mention but to be honest I thought you were mad giving up just before such a big boozy weekend. Impossible, I thought, but you did it and that’s a massive achievement. Great stuff.
    Jim x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for the honesty Jim 🤣
      When I finally made the decision to stop I’m not sure I was thinking any further ahead than ‘I can’t live like this anymore’ and certainly not actually believing I would go away for the weekend and not drink. Then a strange thing happened, I started to feel like myself again, for the first time in years. I met some new people through this who gave me food for thought and I decided maybe, just maybe, my bottle of wine (plus) a day habit was not particularly helpful in my recovery process. So here I am, 9 days on!

      Ps. I feel a bit like a kid who has done their first week at school today, it was all very novel and kind of fun but do I really have to go back!?!
      Claire x

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hehe love this comment… like school, in sobriety we learn a lot of stuff, some of it painful, but most of us propels us further ahead… you are doing awesome keep up the good work. 🙌💕

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Well done!! You should totally be proud, you’ve dealt with the worst situation first I reckon! A whole weekend! You can do anything now! I loved sober diaries too, also the unexpected joy of being sober and currently reading sober curious! They all remind me why I am doing what I am doing! X

    Liked by 1 person

  5. lol..i’m reading these in order..so, you made it! awesome!..i know my first few weeks i devoured everything i could about becoming sober- books, movies, documentaries , any literature hand outs to keep busy, along with starting my recovery blog ( that one is private because i wanted sort of a diary). I tried meetings , which were ok , but after about 3 months, i just didn’t feel connected or wanting to be,and i although most people wouldn’t say so, i am truly a “loner”.It was very interesting for me on the opposite end to see how much MORE people drank and how often when i went out..some i didn’t even think drank at all.So, also super tough not to cave.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I read and read … it helps me process what I’m doing and how I’m feeling. It’s how I deal with things best, to build up knowledge about it. I’ve been out tonight with friends. Everyone drinking, I stuck to AF and tea! It felt weird but ok. It’s early days. Just hit my 2 weeks .. onwards and upwards 😁

      Like

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