Naivety and tantrums

I don’t know why I thought I’d be any different. As if I had some magical ability to just stop drinking alcohol after years of completely overdoing it, loving it and arranging my life around it and bam 💥 I’d be this sober, happy, new improved me, no looking back.

How flipping naive and stupid! Patting myself on the back, congratulating myself for changing my life after a measly 14 days!! Last night and even more so tonight I’ve fallen off the cloud and landed with a thud. I’m so angry and frustrated. I’ve tried everything, a bath, reading, an AF beer but I’m still thoroughly pissed off. Why? Because I WANT TO DRINK A GLASS OF WINE! I know I sound pathetic. I feel pretty pathetic to be fair. I don’t even want to particularly drink a glass now, right this minute. I do however want that option.

I’m mad at myself for even thinking like this. You can probably tell I’m even falling out with myself. I’m sat upstairs in my bedroom refusing to sit downstairs with the family because I’m in such a crap mood. Yesterday morning I was floating on cloud nine, why can’t I feel like that again today?

I wasn’t going to blog because I don’t like myself when I feel like this. It’s negative and self pitying and annoying. I have however encouraged others to blog when they are struggling so I had to put my money where my mouth is so to speak. I’d like to say I feel better but at the moment I don’t. I have a horrible headache and now you all know I can be a right misery guts. 🤦‍♀️

I think I best just go to bed, try to sleep and hopefully I’ll be more upbeat tomorrow.

Sorry for such a bleugh post 😕 I haven’t had a drink so I guess that’s one positive.

Claire xx

30 thoughts on “Naivety and tantrums”

  1. Claire – you’re human like the rest of us. Been there and still do that from time to time. I throw the F-bomb out like a thousand times and sometimes it helps. Sleep does help. The first few weeks can be quite the roller coaster. Good for you though for choosing not to drink.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Dwight.
Sleep did help thanks and how lovely to wake up to so many messages of support. I think I’m just going through the ‘novelty wearing off’ phase and I felt a bit annoyed with it all. Good to know others feel the same too.
Thanks again
Claire x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Claire, you can do this! I think everyone who tries this struggles at times but the benefits I believe far outweigh the frustrations. Try visualising yourself in the future several months sober, feeling great full of energy. Maybe even listening to a favourite song, something like Unbrella. Have a listen 👍
    Jim x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Anne
      I do feel better today. The mornings are easier I find. I was going a bit crazy last night and I suspect I’m facing reality and a bit cross about it. I’m do glad I posted though, lovely to have all the support x

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  3. You’re doing so well and these feelings are normal. We have been feeding our brain something for years and it wants it back. It’s so hard! I get mad, sad, then go to happy and proud of myself. All over the board. Keep up your hard work! Hope you are able to get some sleep and wake up feeling better tomorrow! 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Jackie
      You are so right. My husband said this morning “ your body is not happy you aren’t giving it what it wants. It will take time to get used to it”. Patience is not a strong point of mine … I want things sorted NOW! Ho hum, just another thing I have to work on 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You made me giggle this am with the patience is not a strong point of yours….mine either. A family member asked me at Thanksgiving if I was going Black Friday shopping. My husband said “Jackie doesn’t even have patience for normal checkout line lengths of time let alone Black Friday checkout lines.” 😂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. posting all of this is TRULY what helps others(not to mention the benefits of purging yourself). These are the kind of posts i appreciate the most( then and now)..raw, not candy coated. Yes, it is good to be positive as much as you can and over time you will subtly notice a shift, but wow- those first few weeks, even months are so totally up & down.Sometimes you feel like just hiding .But i think of it this way. If i never saw anyone else post this stuff, i would think i was abnormal to be feeling this way, and i would probably give up a lot easier. It really is awesome for others when you acknowledge the hard days, hours, etc. in a realistic way. So, thank you!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wise words and it helped to wake up to such lovely messages of support. I felt a bit alone with it all last night and then spiralled. I was blaming not having a drink in my low mood but in reality I was just having a crappy evening. That gets so blurred in my head. Alcohol and mood are so intertwined, it’s hard to separate the two!
      Hope you are ok. Appreciate your support and time xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. There’s drinking for the love of it, and then there’s drinking because it’s a habit. I think the habit part is the hardest to deal with. You’re probably feeling better now with a nights rest behind you. And you’re not naive, you’re normal, which means we’re all normally naive! So, as they say in A.A., Claire, just take it “one day at a time”. Today’s that new day. There ever really only is today….and we’re here for you today too. ((((((hugs))))))💜

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I am. Everyone’s support really helped. I have a feeling I’m heading into a ‘battle with myself’ stage and I’m going to have to try and stand strong.
        Thanks for checking in 💜

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  6. Hi Dwight.
    Sleep did help thanks and how lovely to wake up to so many messages of support. I think I’m just going through the ‘novelty wearing off’ phase and I felt a bit annoyed with it all. Good to know others feel the same too.
    Thanks again
    Claire x

    Like

  7. Blog it all – Highs and lows, good days and bad. Be kind to yourself. Beating yourself up can lead to some murky places. Just sit with those shitty emotions and don’t run from them. They can be great moments of learning. And hey, if you screw up, join the club. It’s an endless club. What matters is how you respond and what you do next.
    And remember, no emotion is final. They all pass eventually. And share them with your family so they know what’s going on as well. We are all in this same boat. Thinking of ya.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I realised something this morning. I don’t like feeling crappy emotions at all. I know no one does, but I will do and find anything to distract me from feeling that way. Feeling rubbish makes me angry with myself and I want to fix it. You are right too, it did pass. 😊
      X

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  8. Right there with you! Because I gone long lengths with not drinking in the recent past, I can say, this time around it’s less frustrating at this point. I’m not as angry about it, YET! Feelings are all over the place, doing what we are trying to do, so don’t worry. Like that song (forgive me for not remembering the group) says, “hold on for one more day”!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I am not that tech savvy, so don’t know why some people can read my blog and others can’t, but that’s okay. I am two weeks in. My start date, this time around, was November 18th, a Monday. Which I beleive you are around that same time. Stay the course, which is hard to do I know. I’m right there with you too. Wilson Phillips, ah yes, thanks for the reminder!

        Liked by 1 person

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