I don’t know why I thought I’d be any different. As if I had some magical ability to just stop drinking alcohol after years of completely overdoing it, loving it and arranging my life around it and bam 💥 I’d be this sober, happy, new improved me, no looking back.
How flipping naive and stupid! Patting myself on the back, congratulating myself for changing my life after a measly 14 days!! Last night and even more so tonight I’ve fallen off the cloud and landed with a thud. I’m so angry and frustrated. I’ve tried everything, a bath, reading, an AF beer but I’m still thoroughly pissed off. Why? Because I WANT TO DRINK A GLASS OF WINE! I know I sound pathetic. I feel pretty pathetic to be fair. I don’t even want to particularly drink a glass now, right this minute. I do however want that option.
I’m mad at myself for even thinking like this. You can probably tell I’m even falling out with myself. I’m sat upstairs in my bedroom refusing to sit downstairs with the family because I’m in such a crap mood. Yesterday morning I was floating on cloud nine, why can’t I feel like that again today?
I wasn’t going to blog because I don’t like myself when I feel like this. It’s negative and self pitying and annoying. I have however encouraged others to blog when they are struggling so I had to put my money where my mouth is so to speak. I’d like to say I feel better but at the moment I don’t. I have a horrible headache and now you all know I can be a right misery guts. 🤦♀️
I think I best just go to bed, try to sleep and hopefully I’ll be more upbeat tomorrow.
Sorry for such a bleugh post 😕 I haven’t had a drink so I guess that’s one positive.