The day after

After what can only be described as a very shaky evening last night I am relieved to say I didn’t drink any alcohol. I eventually went to sleep after reading others posts on their blogs and gaining some reassurance that I am not in this alone. I know now that had I had that glass of wine (which incidentally would have meant going out to buy it as I am not keeping any in the house at the moment) I would have had the entire bottle. I would have woken up this morning feeling guilty, completely mad at myself and most probably very ill. As it was I felt ok. Not fantastic or ultra calm, but I figure ‘ok’ is, well, ok.

I guess what I need to do is stop blaming feeling rubbish and fed up on the inability to have a drink. Plus I have to stop reaching for alcohol to try and blunt those feelings. Thinking too far ahead and ruminating on things said and done in the past is also a problem for me. That’s anxiety and depression right there in a nutshell! I know what I need to do but doing it is so hard. Someone once said to me ‘following the most difficult path often takes us to the best places’. So no matter how hard or difficult this gets I’ll endeavour to carry on because I know from all of you that it’ll lead me to a good place.

I can do this, bring it on ….

Thanks for looking after me

Claire x


23 thoughts on “The day after”

  1. Not having alcohol in the house is the best decision a person can make.
    I know I’ve had dramatic lows, but having to drive to get booze is a huge barrier.

    Hug. It is funny to read that you deal with the anxiety of not drinking by drinking, but I felt the exact same way.

    It took quite a while to get through the anxiety muck.

    Keep going!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I know Anne .. how ridiculous is it that not drinking makes us anxious so we want to drink!! There’s no logic to it. Then again there isn’t a whole lot of logic to anxiety is there??
      Good to know you have been there and got through it xx

      Liked by 2 people

  2. You are awesome! As I say I may get knocked down but I always want to win a fight! ( not that I’ve ever been in a real fight )
    No alcohol in the house is the best idea. Family bringing a full bar knocked me down a couple drinks on Thanksgiving, but I’m back up! Keep doing what your doing! 😘

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I just read your too last blog posts, I’m a little behind! Well done 👍for not drinking. I’ve also had these lows where I think but I’m not drinking I should be happy 😆 silly really. Like we don’t still have hormones and feelings! It’s ok to have a bad mood! I have this mental fight with myself all the time!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Channa
      It’s such a relief to know it isn’t just me. That’s exactly what I was feeling and thinking .. that I shouldn’t feel like it anymore because I’ve given up drink. Surely that’s my reward!! 🤦‍♀️ I think I was disappointed that I still had a bad mood. You are so right, we still do have all those same feelings, hormones and bad days. I just now have to ride them out with my usual crutch.
      Nice to hear from you x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope you are feeling better today.
        Ps – my name is Emma, sorry for the confusing blog name it’s a mix between my surname and my daughters name. I couldn’t fine a username with emma in it that wasn’t taken! X


      2. Hi Emma 😂
        I feel much better today. Still a little conflicted but I think I have to ride that one out for now.
        Really nice having your support


  4. Yay you!
    We keep no alcohol in the house, either!
    It took awhile for me to get through the anxiety and depression when I got sober. However, it is SO much better now! I never want those icky feelings again!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was so cross. Cross that I was in a bad mood even after giving up alcohol … how is that fair? Cross that I couldn’t drink to help my anxiety and mood (as if it would have helped really 🙄). Cross that I am such an intense full on person and I can’t moderate. However, I’m still here, 18th day sober .. one day at a time!
      Thanks for checking in xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. it was many months before i could be around alcohol..or have any in the house. But eventually that passed for me. We have had wine here for several months and none has been touched. In fact i usually forget its there ( we take it to events for our guests). That being said i had to fight through some pretty tough social situations, the first one only 4 months into sobriety. I wound up leaving most events in about 20 minutes for awhile. Now, it’s more a matter of seeing people get so drunk that when they are talking to you, you can obviously see they are really just talking to themselves and have no interest in your opinion, nor will they remember the conversation. Makes me extra glad i quit..rock on Claire! You got this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have lots of Xmas events approaching and I think I’m feeling anxious about that. Worrying about the future again 🙄
      My husband doesn’t drink wine which is fortunate for me. He likes lager and I’m not as tempted by that, luckily!!! 😅

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey Claire! Glad you didn’t give in to the temptation. You made it one more day!! Day by day this say. I too, have many upcoming Xmas events I’m not feeling confident about, but somehow I’ll manage through. At least they will be lots and lots of goodies too eat, so what if I gain some weight, better than having hangovers! xo

        Liked by 1 person

      2. We’ll have to support each other over Xmas. Survived one ‘do’ tonight and it was ok. Two AF beers and a mint hot chocolate on the way home!! 👍
        Tell me the name of your site and I’ll try to follow again xx


  6. Yaaay well done Claire 🙂 It does get easier (I know exactly what you mean when you say ‘anxiety and depression right there in a nutshell’ 🙂 But as each day passes and we bring ourselves back to the present moment, things really do get smoother and easier 🙂 And gradually, ‘ok’ turns into ‘good’ 🙂 Glad to be walking the same path together 🙂 xxx Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think part of what keeps me going is the belief that things will be good. I’ve had moments where I can see that and already there are too many positive changes to ignore what a negative impact alcohol was having on my life. The support from everyone on here has been invaluable.
    Claire x


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