Highs and lows

I’m starting to see a pattern emerge. Sunday evening, starting around 5pm UK time I dip. I have felt great all day. Really content and unshakeable. Then come 5pm (always on a Sunday) my mood changes. It’s not about going to work tomorrow or the weekend nearly ending, at least I don’t think it is. Small stuff , that I’m generally more able to let go of now I’m sober, starts to niggle. We had plans to put the tree up tonight but I’ve postponed it. I just can’t get into the spirit. I feel edgy and a friends post on FB has majorly pissed me off. I bloody hate FB a lot of the time but it was my own fault for even looking at it. Why why why???

I am now in the middle of cooking Sunday dinner and I’ve had to come upstairs to write this blog. I needed to stop the spiral downwards. I felt like I wanted a glass of wine but I’m NOT doing that to myself. I start my 4th week sober today and I won’t let some mean spirited people who I once considered friends ruin it for me. I hate injustice but I have to just let people believe what they choose I guess.

Ironically, I commented on Lovie Price’s blog earlier and was probably a little pompous but she is right – this is hard. This is bloody tough. For me it isn’t just the not drinking. It’s that I’m having to now dig deeper for tools to help pull myself up and out when these feelings of hurt and sadness strike. Hopefully in time and with practice I’ll add tools to my toolbox. For now, I’ll use the best tool I’ve found so far .. reaching out to all of you. Just putting it down here is good. The knot in my chest is lifting a little. I had a cry 😢 and now I’m ready to finish dinner, before it ends up inedible and in the bin!!!

Onwards and upwards (or perhaps just sideways this evening!)

Claire xx

23 thoughts on “Highs and lows”

  1. Hi claire, it is hard, really hard at times, but congratulations on 4 weeks. Keep thinking a day at a time and work through the triggers. It takes a long time to work out of your system all these memories of times you’d normally sit down with a drink. But they do dim with time! 👍

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    1. Hi James
      Thanks for commenting. I am only at 3 weeks and beginning my 4th but I’m so proud and there have been so many positives, I hold onto that when I hit a trigger. I think I’ll have to be better prepared Sunday evenings. Cinema, coffee with a friend, just make some plans. I suppose that’s what this is all about. Recognising what’s going on and dealing with it in a more productive way.
      Claire xx

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      1. Yes, if u plan things a bit beforehand, you’re ready and more likely to deal with it successfully. Don’t forget to treat yourself with the money you’d have spent on wine. Helps a lot in the early days. 👍

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m in a huge dip today too, and I hear you on the social media front. And yes, same, my fault for looking. 😥I feel like there are so many miscommunications out there. Great job on the blogging 💛🎉 sending hug xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. yeah, i thought these dips were pretty much over by now.. at 5/6 months i really felt i was in my stride.And indeed, i really started galloping forward into my goals.Trying to regroup and analyze now.I am thinking some of that feeling may have sprouted from going off the nicotine patch, too
    ..i had forgotten about that..

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  4. Yep, you’ll probably be going through the same process again. The good thing is you’ll get back into your stride and will be alcohol and nicotine free 😄😄

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    1. Thanks Wendy.
      I think I forgot I do experience anxiety and depression and that’s not going to automatically be resolved by stopping drinking. It will help and has helped for sure, but I think I’m realising that there will still be days I struggle with it. Unfortunately I can feel it coming on which makes me sad … vicious cycle really. I’ll just take some time to look after myself and hopefully it will lift soon.
      Claire xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Way to go on three weeks! I was in an off mood last night. We got our tree and nobody wanted to help decorate it. Really bummed me out but I decorated it myself. I wanted to drink a bottle, but didn’t. Went to bed and woke up feeling so tired this morning but off to work I go. I did work every day this week and I think I’m just tired. Hope you are feeling better!! 😘😘😘 This emotional rollercoaster is the worst!

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    1. I feel exactly the same at the moment Jackie!! I’m tired, over sensitive and emotional. Little things are getting to me and I really did want a drink last night. It helps to know others feel this too though 😁😘 xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. What a lovely thing to say Anne and a great way to look at it. Uncomfortable is the right word, but I perhaps need to sit with that feeling for a bit, get used to it and then it’ll fade.
      Hugs back
      Xxx

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  6. O Claire, it’s so tough isn’t it. Funnily enough i had a lull on Sunday and just after bragging about my high the rest of the week. You beat yourself up don’t you because you think you should be happy! What a roller payer of emotions but blogging helps and I love reading your posts 😘

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  7. uuuurgh hang in there! Sod those social media jerks, you don’t need them !!! alsoooo ” I’m having to now dig deeper for tools to help pull myself up and out when these feelings of hurt and sadness strike” THIS !!! It is sooo true. It’s the hardest part for me still. But we can do it ! Hang in there – hopefully by now the Sunday blues has passed and Tuesday is going to be much better and there is a teaching in everything 🙂 Onwards and sideways in all directions as long as we keep moving ! xxx Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Anne.
      I think I’m coming out of the doldrums now which is great and I’m seeing it as a positive. In the past I would’ve drank wine, felt terrible the next day, drank wine the next evening and so on and so on. These feelings and emotions will still occur won’t they? I just hopefully will get through them more quickly and that itself builds up my tool box and resilience.
      Thanks for your post
      Claire xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Claire, been distracted last few days so just seen your posts. Really it’s all been said, forget those who use FB to hurt and bully, if they act like that they can’t be friends. It is tough this stopping drinking lark , and I’m guessing there will some tricky times ahead for many of us. But keep thinking of the positives, health, vitality, well being, sleep etc. Good luck with your toolbox! Jim x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s so true.
      People keep saying to me, you’ll be able to have ‘just one’ at some point though won’t you? If I was ever able to have ‘just one’ I’d have done that years ago!!!
      Hugs back 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh yeah that infamous “one”. I never wanted one. Never, ever had just one. And yet– that fantasy can play over and over in my brain trying to convince me if I only did it a little different this time, I could. Comes back every now and then and when it does, I just remember my grand finale. Cures that vision every time!

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