Why does everyone who drinks alcohol now feel the need to tell me in detail how much they themselves drink? It feels like every time I’m out and someone asks why I have stopped drinking booze, they give me a run down of their own alcohol consumption diary. Or worse, if there are a few people in the conversation, we have to discuss how little they all actually drink for bloody ages!! People suddenly go into defensive mode and start explaining that they only drink at weekends, they can easily stop at one, they only do the excess at Christmas .. blah blah blah di blah!
I kind of expected this a little and don’t get me wrong, people have generally been uber supportive, I just don’t want to have to reassure everyone else that they are ok to carry on drinking just because I have given up. Not all the time anyway. The thing that really pisses me off is the conversation always leads to how much and how often I was drinking. It’s like people are desperate to be able to say to themselves ‘Well I’m not a patch on Claire’s level of drinking so I don’t need to give up …”. Honestly, if anyone asks me again if I drank every day (and was I not able stop at just a couple) to then tell me their drinking was no where near as excessive as mine, there will be no more Mr nice guy!
I don’t care about other people’s drinking habits! Unless you have given up and are in need of support and understanding of course, then I’m happy to listen and talk about it. Otherwise, fill your boots and enjoy it. I’m not the alcohol police and please don’t set me up as the ‘bar’ or the worst example. Ironically, last night this discussion happened at the same time as every person, without fail, drank at least a bottle of wine to themselves whilst giving me a full and detailed description of how little they actually drink! Bizarre really,
Let’s hope that, as with many other things on this journey, it too passes with time.
I’ve made it to 4 weeks today .. I’m not the alcohol police but I am sober!!! 😁
Love Claire xx
Ditching the Wine 
Well done Constable Claire! Lock em up I say! But seriously what you describe is so common and frustrating. You do not need to explain yourself to others. 4 Weeks, that is brilliant and that’s what counts. Well done.
Jim x
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Infuriating! I’ve been mostly hiding out (except a few very close friends) so I haven’t experienced this yet, but I’m sure it is coming. Congrats on 4 weeks!!!
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yes, as jim says, it’s common..i still get it at 11 months and i am sure i will as long as i remain sober. The thing is, when i started getting frustrated about it i had to remember feeling like i needed to explain myself like that to( sober) people in the past as well. I didn’t realize then how naive i was and how awful it must have been for them . I believe generally that it is done out of guilt( a sort of justification of their own behavior) and sometimes out of genuine curiosity. Here is what i learned to do instead of getting upset: when someone started asking me questions about MY drinking,i stopped answering directly about my personal life & answered by asking them if they were interested in getting help themselves, ( stating that if they ever needed support i would be happy to help and point them in the right direction). Most of the time, turning the conversation around and being the one ASKING the questions usually stops the interrogation. But, on a positive note- once in awhile someone has responded that they were in fact considering getting help , and i was able to direct them to some resources while maintaining my privacy:)
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Yeah I agree. It is justification and for some I’m holding a mirror up. I’ll get used to it I guess and I know I definitely used to do the same when I was drinking. I feel awful about that now! I was so determined to protect my good friend alcohol, I could see no wrong in him!!! Xxx
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Congratulations! Took me a long time to finally figure out it was really no one’s business why I didn’t drink- major anxiety was relieved when I found my standard reply to that rude question: “How come you don’t drink?” Me: (without blinking an eye) ” Oh please, you go first and tell me why you do.” Personal boundaries are usually non-existent for us addicts and having to establish them tends to make me extremely uncomfortable.
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That’s so interesting you say that about boundaries. I have never ever been good at setting them. It’s such an important thing to do isn’t it? I’m wondering whether it’s partly linked to wanting people to like me and not wanting to offend. Something to think about and work on!! X
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For me, 2019 has been all about learning to set healthy, loving and firm boundaries.🙄
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Love this, it’s so true. My friend and I went out for a meal tonight and she asked me like 3x to have a mocktail when she was having a cocktail as she felt weird having one alone. Then we discussed my drinking habits to reassure her she wasn’t “as bad” as me. I don’t mean that in a horrible way she’s been the most supportive lovely person throughout this, but this post really tickled me.
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They all do it. My dad still does it now. He’s a big drinker but the way he tells it he on,he has the occasional one and is certainly not as bad as I was! I just smile and let them all get on with it.
Thanks for reading x
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