Home alone

This whole time of year is so weird I think. It seems even more so approaching it sober. All the build up, the rushing about, the nights out, the present buying … it’s all felt a tad excessive this year.

Now the boys are getting older Christmas has changed yet again. I’m a little sick of change if the truth be told. What I’d give to just step back to one of those Christmas days when they were little. The excitement, the cuddles, the laughter. Ah sigh.

Who the bloody hell am I kidding? Talk about rose tinted eye wear. Going back would mean hung over as fuck (excuse bad language!), up half the night with one or both of the boys, desperate for a coffee whilst they tear open presents, trying to maintain some level of control over proceedings and failing, stress levels high, knowing I have to start the dinner but desperately wanting to go back to bed and then, the cherry on the top, drinking myself into a stupor to get through the day. Maybe change isn’t that bad really!?

Sadly I haven’t been well since I finished work on Monday. I kept going Christmas Eve and day but today I have had to submit. My husband and the boys have gone off to stay overnight with the in-laws and celebrate with them. I am, for the first time ever, totally alone on Boxing Day and night. This is not the xmas I had planned but I’m not going to think about ‘what if’ and ‘if only’. This is what has happened, I can’t control it, so I need to find a positive in it. My resilience is low but I will not allow it to spiral.

This is a strange post, slightly all over the place. Kind of how I’m feeling right now. Anyway …. Lemsip, bed and sleep. That’s the priority now: getting better and back in the game. 😁

Claire xxx

20 thoughts on “Home alone”

  1. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic the way when we glorify the “good ol’ days”. Sounds like some wonderful down time is in store for you. Pamper yourself. Take care of you today. Be kind to yourself most of all. Happy Boxing Day. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Elizabeth.
      I know .. we sit and look back, feel melancholy and sad about times when we were in reality stressed and uptight! Weirdly I think I associate that with ‘fun and excitement’ so when all is calm, as it has pretty much been recently, I think it’s not right.

      I will have some me time. Not feel guilty about it. Enjoy it
      Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It can be excessive and at least you didn’t experience the series of disasters that marked my Christmas (well not disasters but lots of little things that spoiled the day) . Sounds like you need the rest and why not call up a good friend and just have some “you” time. Just a thought. Jim x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is terrible to feel sick on Christmas! And it seems totally normal that you might feel out of whack this holiday season anyway, what with having made a huge life change not long ago. I think the only reason my Christmas went OK is because it was super quiet and easy. Just the small family and no huge dinner or entertaining or going out to holiday shows. I’m just not up for it this year. I’m thinking next year will be different for both of us. Go easy on yourself, Claire. And I’m so glad you connected with your friend! That always works for me, too. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting Ms New Leaf (MNL). You are totally right and I think I just wanted to be quiet this year. It has been but being ill today has actually helped in a way. It’s allowed me to take a breath from all the social situations .. it was getting hard work. We are at the beginning of this journey .. it’s going to feel a little strange at times.
      Yep, my friend is my angel 😇
      Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. You know what, that’s exactly what I’ve done and because the rest of the family have gone away for two days, I don’t feel guilty doing absolutely nothing. I was annoyed I felt like this yesterday but it’s actually turned out to be a blessing 😊
      I’ll get my energy levels back and then continue with the decluttering!!!
      Xx

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks.
      I’m getting there. Had loads of time to chill out which has been great. I have a sports massage booked later … get rid of all the toxins (not alcohol related though … for once!!)
      Hope you had a good Xmas xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. lots of posts about the holidays and recovery on here, which shouldn’t surprise me..But i am grateful for each and every one. I remember my christmas last year and how alone i felt and wasn’t even sure yet if i could ever get and stay sober. I was still wavering about moderation then but thankfully realized shortly that i was kidding myself…Congrats Claire..one tough Holiday to get thru for us for sure!

    Liked by 2 people

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