Can I be an Avenger now?

It’s Friday and after a lot of soul searching and navel gazing at the end of last week and beginning of this one I am delighted to say, I feel pretty darn fabulous tonight.

I have had a great few days. Nothing to mention specifically. I just find myself appreciating the really important people in my life. I am also no longer grieving for those people I have had to leave behind. In fact on Wednesday I was able to engage with a work colleague after over a year of a ‘difficult’ relationship and stand up for myself in a calm and considered manner. I didn’t try to impress, cajole, ‘win’ him over and I didn’t get upset, angry or take his remarks personally. I felt like I had some form of invisible protection, a shield that ensured barbed or suggestive comments bounced off. I stood back, processed, said what I needed to and left politely. HUGE step for me.

I have to admit. This shield, cloak, bubble (not sure how to name it!) of protection is existing more and more for me. Don’t worry, it isn’t a barrier I put up. It momentarily deflects situations and comments. It allows me breathing space to think about how I feel. It’s only a split second but boy does it help! It provides me with resilience and reduces my vulnerability.

Where has it come from? It certainly wasn’t there a few months back and hasn’t been there for a number of years. I’m not even sure I’ve ever held it in my possession. Not as it is at this moment. Is that sobriety? Is it knowing that the company I now keep value and love me? Is it the support and kindness I have received from the community on this blog? Is it one very special person who has helped me see I’m worth so much more than I thought or could believe? Likely it’s all of it and it all mixes together in one big pot to create strength and build self esteem.

I know the first step was stopping drinking. If you stumble across this post and you are wondering if you drink too much and if you should give it the old heave ho …. DO IT! Don’t say it’s forever, but start. You too could have an invisible protective shield just like mine 😉

Claire xxx

19 thoughts on “Can I be an Avenger now?”

  1. Yes, yes and yes! But the first is the most poignant, Claire — it IS the greatness of sobriety you are experiencing! I’m not one to speak at the moment, I know, but I have had enough sober time in the past year and a half to know exactly what you’re experiencing. It’s amazing, isn’t it, that buffer of clarity, self-control and resilience? In fact, thanks for sharing this today because it’s giving ME a boost today that I’ve really needed to get back to the same spot. Ok, I’m right behind you! Charge!!!! 👍💜

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    1. Oh Nelson I really hope it does. It’s the BEST feeling and I wasn’t sure how to describe it. Buffer is exactly right .. allowing for clarity and control. (Though can I still call it an invisible magic shield? Sounds cool!). Come on and join me in feeling like this xx 💜

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  2. The’ epiphanies’ are what gets you from one moment to the next. I know sometimes i have blogged about the downsides of sobriety, and it can sound defeating . But i guess i just want to let everyone know that it( recovery) isn’t always pink clouds and glitter. HOWEVER- those negative things do pass and i always moved into a better space after . If i had caved in those moments i would not have experienced the next moment of clarity- thats for sure. Never stop, never give up…enlightenment is always right around the corner! namaste !

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  3. We have shields and cloaks!

    My cloak would be invisible by thought, of the softest linen, yet never wrinkled and never caught in doors or stepped on, waterproof, weatherproof, comment proof, bulletproof, solar powered, to whatever temperature I want at an instant, full of hidden weightless bottomless pockets, able to blend into any background, camouflaged at will. What else can my cloak do? Ohhh so much more 😊

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  4. Claire. However you got your shield, recreate it, brand it, market it and make it available to buy! I’ll have one please🙂 You’ll make a fortune.
    Claire this was a great post and you’re right, it’s difficult to know if it was factor a,b,c or d that was the key or is that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, each element you mention feeding and strengthening the other parts until you end up with what you have. Sounds like best thing is to keep all those elements in place.
    You have your shield now go forge your sword!
    Jim x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes, it is all of the above and I’m so glad you now possess it! Like seeing things, people, situations with a different set of eyes! So glad you are feeling and doing so well! Xx

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