I went!!

I’m not going to write a long drawn out post but I thought I’d update those of you that took the time to read, like or comment on yesterday’s dilemma! If you didn’t read my last post then you’ll probably want to skip this one!!

I do go. I drank a glass of AF wine and got myself dressed up. My husband and I walked in, straight into Di and as expected we were ignored. My stomach churned but I carried on past as if I hadn’t noticed she was there. I remained calm. There were others I hadn’t seen for a long time, all ready with kisses and hugs for me. We stayed for 2 hrs. Di’s boyfriend arrived and sat at the end of the bar staring at me, or it felt like that anyway. She started to get drunk and sashayed past us a few times. I remembered the advice you all gave yesterday and we got the hell out of dodge! Said our goodbyes before it became tricky and ducked out. No drama, no anxiety, just left.

This morning I don’t feel relieved or elated but I’m glad I went. I’m so glad I don’t drink because the outcome would be different today and I know for a fact I’d be struggling this morning with a hangover from hell and feelings of low self esteem and self blame. I do recognise however that I feel sadness. Sad that there was no way to resolve what happened in the past, sad that people can’t forgive and at the very least end the friendship on good terms. That might be naive and linked to other deeper issues I have going on. I am however just going to accept that the emotion I have after going last night is sadness. It’s not overwhelming, it’s just there. I can’t numb it, change it or make it go away and I really don’t like it! What’s that about? Hmmm 🤔 another bout of navel gazing might be needed.

It’s ok to be a little blue sometimes.

Anyway, thank you once again for the lovely comments and support. So grateful you are all out there in the universe 😍

Claire xx

37 thoughts on “I went!!”

  1. I am glad you went! Sometimes you just don’t know why people act the way they do, it can hurt and there’s not much you can do about it. Try to keep your beautiful self smiling and not let them rent negative space in your head! Love ya!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep Jackie you are right. I’ve been going back and forth over all morning, wondering about the why’s and wherefore. It’s doing me no good and so I’m going for a walk in the park with my 12 year old and then we are going to make scones 😁. Time to put it behind me and move forward. Xxx

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      1. Oooooooo scones and I love a walk with your son! I’m going outside later today to do some horse jobs and then baking red velvet cup cakes! My girls want them and it’s Avery’s grandma’s 93rd birthday Monday! Also making lasagna and will bring her down some tomorrow too. I’m happy that yet again, it’s a Sunday morning and I feel great and productive! Enjoy your day! I’ll be thinking of you!!

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    1. Thanks Wendy. I’m thinking we have to sometimes do these things to move past what is a barrier. My natural instinct is to ‘sort’ and ‘resolve’ issues but I guess sometimes that’s not possible. I find that tricky and that’s ok too. I just can’t change it and have to accept what I can’t control. All a learning experience isn’t it?
      Hope you’re good and enjoyed the rest of your holiday xxx

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  2. I’m glad you went and were able to receive those hugs from other people you haven’t seen in a long time. Sad sounds pretty normal, too, considering that you would like a resolution with Di and it isn’t forthcoming. A walk with your kid and scones sounds perfect. ❤️

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  3. Hey Claire, I’m just catching up! Sorry i missed the chance to comment yesterday but I would have said get dolled up, feel amazing and walk in with your husband with your new sober fabulous self and don’t even look in her direction! Well bloody done for going! I’ve found that these situations are never as bad as we think they will be. Your friend will know it was hard for you to be there and will be so grateful you made that huge effort to go in spite of that. Legend xx

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  4. I’ve just caught up with both posts too! Well done – you smashed it. 👏👏👏 It resonated a lot with me of how I’ve felt when I’ve gone on boozy nights – I don’t now unless feel obligated – like an old friend’s birthday! I think your sadness is natural and reflects you moving on from the whole thing – she was a friend and by the sounds of it she became mean with no explanation – not good and it is sad to lose a friend even if they turned into

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    1. It’s really helped to just acknowledge that I feel sad but can’t do anything about it. You feel some big emotions when sober don’t you? That’s tricky. But at least now I’m processing them and hopefully that means I’m dealing with them. 🤞 xx

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  5. You are amazing! So glad you went and handled it with grace. It’s ok to be and feel sad something. Remember on Inside Out, how sadness was the key to helping Riley and her parents heal? (Ok, I saw that movie like 10 times!) Sometimes you just got to feel it! 💕👍🏻

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    1. I love ‘Inside out’ .. such a clever way to discuss the importance of ‘all’ feelings. In fact I may even watch it again with my 12 year old who is struggling a little right now. Thanks 😊 xxx

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  6. Hi Claire, okay, read both posts and bottom line is well done you for going and facing that situation and facing it without a drink. That was tough for you but it’s sad for you that this relationship with Di turned so bad and you’re not really sure why. I just wonder if, despite her behaviour and looks, she might also feel sad underneath all the bravado. After all she has lost a friendship and in her mind undoubtedly she has a muddled view of events. Do you think meeting and talking to her could help? It may not restore the friendship but it may help you and her understand what happened and be able to move on without that feeling of “what happened and why?” Having said that I’m sure you’ve considered that and decided it’s not an option.

    But brilliant for not backing out. You faced the anxiety and won!
    Jim x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for taking the time to read both posts Jim. I am a person who would much prefer to talk about it with her and at least agree find a way to be civil when we bump into each other. The friendship has had its day, for both of us but the animosity is the struggle for me. I have tried to reach out and I have, on many occasions, apologised for what I know did happen and also what most definitely didn’t. She rejects it all. She kept all the feelings to herself for nearly a year, remaining in close contact with me but underneath holding onto grudges and beliefs that simply are not truths. I don’t think I can face more rejection if I attempt to talk to her. I suspect that her muddled view of events helps her defend how she has treated me to herself. She also makes her position clear by blocking my number etc. Maybe one day I’ll write to her. For now I feel I have to let it be. I’m hoping eventually it won’t feel so painful.
      I am however in agreement with you, talking it through would be my preferred option.
      Claire x

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  7. walking into the lions den is never easy. But sometimes it takes the fear out of navigating the jungle for future outings. I am so glad you decided to go..they say facing your fears is one of the toughest but most valuable thins we can do…Congrats Chica!

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      1. indeed…if you recall i had a post awhile back …even some of the amends i set about making did not work out. We can’t expect forgiveness , all we can do is try. but we can forgive ourselves

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      2. Very true. I’m also learning that I’m bigger than single events that happened in the past and I have done and do many ‘good’ things in my life. Those are important to remember and hold on to. X

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  8. Hi! I had this happen to me once. I was in my 30’s and she was a co-worker. We became good friends. I came into work on a Monday and she was very cool to me. I asked her how she was and if everything was okay. All she would say was “yup”. Over time it got better but she would never tell me what I did. About 6 months later I moved to a different department. We were still in the same building though. It bothered me for months and months. One day she was super friendly and then I would stop to talk and she would snub me again. I understand your sadness. Plus we never want to be disliked. It’s human nature. What I finally learned is this. My family – husband and two children are my LIFE. And I was not going to let this woman who is so hot and cold and very clearly doesn’t like her self very much – take anymore space in my head. After I finally woke up – I put my energy into my family. Because you only get a short time with your kids before they grow up and get their own lives. So hug those young men of yours and hug your husband as well. And always remember what first attracted you to him. I always writ in wedding cards to the bride and groom- always be each other’s best friend. Always have each others back. Hugs to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for commenting Christine. You are completely right. She still crosses my mind every now and then but I now know I’m far better not having her around. And yes!!! I will give my family a hug. They deserve my love, energy and attention. Hugs 🤗 back xx

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