100 Days

I really wasn’t sure what to write. I wanted to mark the day but I thought I’d feel different somehow.

I thought I’d wake up this morning a super sober sassy sister! But no. My eyes opened and low and behold … I’m Claire. Still dealing with the daily grind including a frantic search for missing keys, getting soaked on the way to the train station and the usual madness of work. On my commute, no-one recognised me as the famous ‘Queen of Sobriety’. I wasn’t stalked on my walk through town. No demands for my autograph. Not even a bloody selfie request! I arrive home to the familiar silence of two teenage boys plugged into their Xboxes and a double grunt of ‘hi’. Well I think that’s what they said. No fireworks, no special little gifts and no cards telling me I’m an amazing human being. What was all this for eh?

I’m a star for Christ’s sake!

In all seriousness, I am astounded that I have now not touched what was once my beloved wine for a total of 100 days. I am even more astonished that it actually feels so, well, normal. I was a person that congratulated myself if I managed Monday to Thursday alcohol free (and let me tell you, congratulations were therefore pretty rare!). I would never drive if a drink was on offer. No way, Jose. I felt hard done by if I didn’t have as much wine in my glass as the next guy and I would plan an outing centred around booze. You’d think then that today, my 100th day of sobriety, would feel like a huge event for me. It doesn’t. Don’t get me wrong. Its bloody great and I’m really proud of myself because it was hard to do. What I’m learning, however, is that the hold it had on your life and over you fades with time and therefore the pull to drink is less. What that means in reality is you have to function day in and day out without it. Once the initial euphoria wears off and the ‘newness’ becomes ‘old hat’, you are left with the new challenge of ‘living life sober’. That is very different from simply not pouring a bottle of wine down your throat when you feel the urge. It’s much tougher than that. I don’t want to put anyone off deciding to quit drinking if they read this post but its important to be honest. It is about changing your life, for the better sure, but change is often difficult and it has certainly been challenging at times.

I am grateful for the challenge though. The past 100 days has been an extraordinary experience. I’ve learnt so much about myself, things I never knew. Fundamental and very important aspects of my personality that were kept hidden. I’m actually fairly introverted, I find making ‘pleasant’ conversation in groups quite difficult and I have discovered I am calm under pressure. That’s Sober Claire anyway. Drinking Claire was a total extrovert, very sociable, talked to anyone and everyone and a complete stress head. She also didn’t ever feel quite ‘right’. Sober Claire is much more comfortable in her own skin. I have also learnt that gratitude is good for the soul and so I’ll end this post and my 100th day with a few gratitude thoughts.

I am grateful …

  • that I now regularly sleep for 8 hrs and don’t wake up every morning at 3am feeling like a shit person, full of self loathing and desperation. Then can’t sleep for 2hrs due to anxiety and a sore head.
  • that I don’t need to buy shed loads of ibuprofen.
  • for having the chance to re-engage with my gorgeous boys and to thoroughly enjoy being their mum.
  • to no longer be imprisoned by alcohol, anxiety or depression.
  • for more clarity, calm and peace in my daily life and in my mind.
  • that I can remember things again.
  • for finally letting go of people and relationships that were harmful and toxic.
  • for the new friendships and relationships I have found and that fill me with love and joy.
  • for this blogging community … Nadine, Jackie, Emma, MsNL, DrGS, Jim, Dwight, Wendy, FG, Limetwiste, Anne (no more beer), Collette, Elizabeth, Nelson, Boozebrain, Lovie, Ashley, Amy, Anne (Ainsobriety) … to name just a few. I will have no doubt missed people off the list and my gratitude extends to all those that have read, liked and commented on my posts. You are all a vital part of this journey.
  • for being able to laugh again, proper belly laughs that feel wonderful.
  • to have finally forgiven myself for the stupid mistakes of the past.
  • for having this opportunity to live a sober life. Its fucking awesome 🤩.

So I guess I just keep on going. Growing, learning and, what’s that phrase 🤔… living my best life!

Love Claire xx

47 thoughts on “100 Days”

  1. Congratulations 🥳 Can I have a hug?
    Thank you 😊 Great post. You describe it all so well. Gratitude is the name of the game of life.
    Keep telling it like it is. Blogging is firstly for yourself and a close second for the rest of us.
    The question I-have taped to a board is “Now What?”
    What do I want? Is a mantra to ask yourself. You might get an immediate answer, it might takes months.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Of course 🤗🤗🤗
      I’m honestly so chuffed with myself. It’s just strange how something that was so all pervasive once feels so minor now. I guess that addiction to anything (and anyone!) … if you can walk away it can fade. It’s what you are left with that’s important xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Buy your own Tiara and triumphantly parade around your bedroom – don’t forget the sparkly ball gown and large cup of cocoa with whip cream and cinnamon …thats what i did:) no one knew but me! Congrats!!!!!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Those are some pretty terrific things on that gratitude list! 100 days!!!! I am so proud of you, my friend! You did it! Not easy- I know-but you did it! It really is am amazing accomplishment (even if it doesn’t feel exactly like we thought it would). If I wasn’t thousands of miles away, I would definitely stalk you and demand a selfie! You rock! 🎉😘❤️🤗

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks. It isn’t easy but it is so worth it. Each time there are doubts I just wait it out and see. Inevitably I come through the other side and know what a great life change I have made.

      Oh if only we could have our 100 day selfie together ☺️.
      Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, just wow, and welcome…you’ve taken the blue pill and survived the slide down the rabbit hole! See!?!? Yes, you do see now, and isn’t the view just so glorious!!?? Thanks for this inspiration, Claire. 💜👍💜

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks Nelson. It’s a very different view from the one I had this time last year, that’s for sure. I am loving this view. Some days it’s spoilt a little by fog or rain but then they pass and boy, it’s fantastic.
      Hang in there xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey Claire yes mad busy for sure. Thanks for checking. I’ve been struggling since having a few drinks which has been the case lately (having a few drinks) and going back on full force to start over very soon (in about two weeks) although I’m not sure I’m going totally alcohol free, but that remains to be seen over the next two weeks. I’ve been experimenting with moderation and have been doing pretty well with it- not drinking much or too often, but I’m still not sure! I enjoyed some aspects of being totally sober and I enjoy some aspects of the moderation. So, I will be going back to alcohol free lifestyle starting early in March (after some big events) and will decide which I prefer after I do that again for a while. It wasn’t hard to be alcohol free for me, it felt kinda normal like you mentioned, but some of my life long and best friends are my besties and we have always enjoyed a night once a month together which involves friends and wine (haha) and I just missed them and that so much that I may need some “naughty” for my sanity! I will write a post on that soon and continue my blogging journey. I’ve missed you guys and have just been too busy with life and the business decisions that I haven’t had the time to blog. Soon I will be back on to it!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think there can’t be an hard and fast rules and for some periods of moderation which include AF at times and not others can work. It’s a very personal and individual thing for sure. I have the added motivation of getting ‘well’ again with minimal episodes of anxiety or depression. That spurs me on for now and ‘for now’ is about as good as I can manage 😁
        Looking forward to reading how you get on x

        Like

  5. I LOVEYYYYYYY YOUUUUUU!!! You are doing so awesome and although I am a bit behind you I feel all this and often a bit “boring” lately. Good God, all these feelings I have ran from for my whole life. Oh and this whole pre-menopausal emotional crap can go away any time. I cry over everything! LOL! I cried last night over a commercial. I said to myself “Really Jackie, why are you crying?” LOL! Anywho, you ARE the QUEEN! Congratulations on kickin’ ass on your goal. I’m still going strong on my goals however, I still haven’t hit that place where I don’t think of alcohol and have to tell myself no. Hope you have a fabulous day today!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Haha I loooooooveeeeed this post. The first part was so funny (and true) and the second part was so positive… and THANK YOU!!!!!! for mentioning me, I feel so stoked, touched and truly honoured. That was such a lovely unexpected boost.
    I’ve been off again here, struggling a bit with depressive feelings on and off, to be honest. Today was a good day though. Very glad I popped in here and saw your post. And….
    Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🎉🙌💖🎂🎶💃🏼👯‍♀️100 days is amazing. Thanks for being such a wonderfully supportive blogger. That’s also a big achievement. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah thanks lovely Nadine. I’m glad you liked it and of course I
      mentioned you 😚
      Sorry to hear you have been struggling though. It’s been a tough time for you in recent months and emotions will get the better of you on some days. I hope there are more and more good days coming your way. Stay strong and rest xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Congratulations Claire , brilliant post and honest reflection. You absolutely are right when you said it just starts to feel normal and that living life sober becomes the challenge. It’s clear though that you have gained so much in a short time and never underestimate how tough this is. Most of the people commentating are succeeding but the majority who try don’t make it because it is tough. You have done brilliantly and you deserve fireworks, a sticker and a big hug🤗💐 Jim x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Jim for the fireworks, sticker and hug! And is that a bunch of flowers too? 😊
      You are so right, I don’t think we bloggers appreciate what we have achieved. We make it look easy 😉. It is tough but it’s been worth every challenge so far xxx

      Like

  8. Yay Claire! I laughed with familiarity at the first part. Some of my worst days have been what I had built up in to be these banner landmark days of sobriety…then you realize it’s just life, after all. So glad we’ve connected through this journey. Love the belly laughs, the forgiveness and the engagement with the offspring. That’s what it’s all about! ♥️👍🏻🎉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. What a great post Claire, so honest and right on! I agree with everything you say on this.
    I also have that introvert thing happening and never realised it about myself, sometimes I can’t think of anything to say at all, crazy.
    Keep going and vertual hug from me xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Honestly that comment resonated with me this morning Emma … “Sometimes I cant think of anything to say at all” .. I never thought that about myself but it happens to me a lot now. It has been an eye opener! Plus I’m finding out who I genuinely feel comfortable around and who I actually don’t have much in common with. As you say, crazy!!
      Thanks for the hug 🤗 xx

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Congratulations Clair, the Big 100 !!!! WOWOWOWOW 🙂 Even if no one stalked you in the street (which might actually be a good things lol) people here all agree that you ARE an amazing human being !!!! As Nadine says, you are such a generous blogger, your words have encouraged and cheered up many humans and that is suuuuuuch a beautiful gift to give to the world. Thank you so much for mentioning me in the list ❤ and for reminding me to do a gratitude list of my own: it's been too long. xoxoxoxo Anne

    Liked by 2 people

      1. whooops that omission of the “e” at the end of Claire was 100% unintentional, and not some strange french spelling 🙂 Again, CONGRATS and thank you so much for being such a positive presence here ❤ xxx Anne

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Elizabeth. It’s really lovely that others think that about me. I’m very touched by those comments. I actually (selfishly) find it helps me to read and comment on others posts. I enjoy supporting my gang on here. It’s been a god send for me. If it helps others in some small way then all the better 😄 x

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I know you’ve heard this already but… Congrats! 100 days straight free of alcohol and the undying urge you have to just have one shot and being successful is a great honor! Came here from one of your recent comments mentioning a scarf (Dr. Who style!) because you sounded like a friendly person.

    Nice to meet you, Claire! I wish you and your boys the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I always appreciate people reading my posts (even though I had no idea anyone would when I started this!) and your congratulations are received with thanks and a smile! It’s not always been easy but it’s the best decision I ever made!! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Bravo Claire. I can resonate with so much of what you say. Yes, so many things are different with sober eyes and attitude and yet, many of the same shitty frustrations and grievances continue to show up in our lives. Thankfully we all seem to cope much better, on the whole, and respond to these with with more patience and generosity as you so wisely mention. And hey, if no one said it…YOU are a bloody star. Well done. BB

    Liked by 1 person

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