Sweet Dreams

This morning I woke up and felt I’d had a very deep sleep with few episodes of waking, if any at all. That’s very unusual for me. Even without the alcohol I wake up a few times but now I can usually turn over and go back off. After a few minutes coming round I suddenly remembered my dream.

I also haven’t really dreamt as much since becoming sober, not ones I can remember very well. This week I’ve been able to recall more of them. Last night’s was vivid. I was totally trashed!!! Trolleyed, kayleyed, plastered 🥴. I’d gone to a fancy, posh party with three girlfriends and I drank a shed load of Prosecco. I remember just pouring glass after glass into my mouth and then feeling sick and dizzy. We stayed over at a hotel after sorting problems with crap rooms. I woke up the next day with another party to go to that evening and I felt shocking. The day was subsequently spent trying to find a different hotel, being given more awful rooms, changing said rubbish rooms and then hotels. My husband and dad appeared and refused to stay in the final hotel. I’d decided not to drink again that night but the second party never occurred anyway. I was too busy moving hotels and having room issues.

Completely weird. Bonkers I know. I don’t think I want anyone to analyse all that thank you. I do, however, remember the feelings and emotions it generated. I felt ill, fuzzy, stressed, unclear and generally very out of control. Not just when I was drunk either. I felt on edge all the next day trying to get to the next hotel room. I knew for a fact I was not going to drink again but I couldn’t fathom why I’d drowned myself in Prosecco the night before. I’m not even that keen on it to be honest! Red or white wine, maybe.

Boy it was good though …. No!!! Wait! …. not the getting pissed bit. The good part was waking up this morning and realising, in a Sue-Ellen type Dallas moment, that it was all just a dream. I have spent my day today feeling I can achieve anything. Work has been stressful and busy, with all sorts of things not falling right. I dealt with what I could, remained calm and kept others reassured. There was no panic, no anxiety and no emotional reaction. I felt really in control without having to control everyone and everything, if that makes any sense at all? I enjoyed that feeling and I appreciated it all the more because my dream had reminded me what I would have felt like 4 months ago. That would have been a very different day and an ‘on edge’ Claire to say the least.

I particularly like the new confidence I have that I can’t be so easily thrown off course now. I sense a new strength that comes from understanding my emotional reactions a little more. Rather than seeking affirmation externally, I can often find it within. I know that sounds airy fairy and a bit OTT but quite honestly fuck it!

I generally write these posts with no idea what I’m going to talk about when I begin. Sometimes I delete them because, well because they are a bit shit and I even bore myself. Mostly though, I publish them. It’s a reminder of the ups and downs of sobriety and how far I have travelled. If it helps someone else to kick start their own journey then all the better. Plus, I selfishly love hearing from you guys and knowing you are there 😉.

Sending love to you all

Claire xx

27 thoughts on “Sweet Dreams”

    1. Funny really, I used to consider myself a very confident person but looking back and knowing how I feel now, I wasn’t at all. It was more bravado that could easy be shaken. Two very different things! That’s just dawned on me now. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Interesting post Claire and the way the dream took you back to certain feelings is that uncomfortable power of dreams. Sounds like it has confirmed a lot of things for you and love the way you keep growing and getting stronger. Reminds me I should do a post myself soon. Nice one . Jim x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Jim. I do feel tougher somehow. Less fragile I guess. I felt a bit paper thin the past few years, easy to break or rip. That’s not the case now. Thankfully 😅
      Claire x

      Like

  2. Great post, Claire! Very inspiring. So interesting that you had a completely opposite reaction to reality after your subconscious threw all that garbage at you the night before. A good reminder. 👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve had two that involve alcohol but only this one where I just went wild with it. I never drank like that in reality so it was very strange. Just glad when I woke! I’m liking this feeling of resilience that comes with confidence. It’s reassuring. Xx

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  3. Drinking dreams are very unsettling…then such a relief to realize it’s a dream (nightmare?). I like what you said about not being “so easily thrown off course” anymore. I totally relate. I’ve had a helluva week and the thought of turning to a drink does still pop into my mind by default but is closely followed by WTF would THAT help?! Xx

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    1. Yep. I’ll never say never but I definitely feel less vulnerable! Another difficult day for me today so I have decided I’m hiding out in my bed tonight. I haven’t done that for a while but I’m exhausted and feel it’s needed. Drinking would most definitely NOT help. Hope you are ok?? Xx

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      1. Sometimes you’ve got to hide out in bed. It’s restorative! I’m struggling too. Wondering if my husband will be able to return later this month from overseas… Who’s in control these days? Surely not us! Hang in there. 😘

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      2. Oh no! That’s so stressful for you. It’s a really tricky time and the unknown is awful. Do all the things you need to do to keep you at peace! Keeping everything crossed he gets to come home xxx

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  4. It’s a heavy dream time around now, due to the recent March super moon/worm moon. That’s what my astrologer friend said, anyway, and I think she’s right; I’ve been having some amazing ones. Another great post from you Claire.

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  5. Hey Claire – what wonderful insights and confidence you have gained😊. I have this vision of you as a tree in a storm swaying back and forth and when it passes you are back upright standing even taller then before…and you have all your limbs. Now I hope that doesn’t inspire another crazy dream🤪. You are doing great!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Dwight
      You are such a lovely man and I appreciate your comments and support. I’m definitely swaying around for sure! Hope I’m flexible enough to remain strong and rooted in the earth.
      Xx

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  6. wowowow those dreams can be really unsettling 🙂 and yes, sometimes waking up is the best part for sure !!! xxx ps. thanks for setting the example about posting no matter what – I will try to follow it better !
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey you!
      To be honest I haven’t posted since because I feel a bit doomy and gloomy. I make sure I check what others are putting up and try to comment. It helps me feel engaged and connected. So lovely to hear from you. 😁
      Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. awwwww ❤ and that is precisely the kind of support that makes people immediately sense how generous and kind you are, Claire, so thank you on the behalf of the whole blogging world lol, for your time and your words ❤ xxx Let's fight the gloom !!! xxx Anne

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