The only constant is change

As usual I have no plan for what I’m about to write. I haven’t posted anything in over a week but I still regularly check, read and comment on others’ posts. It comforts me to do that. This past few weeks have been a total whirlwind. So much happening in such a short space of time. I have no idea what emotion I’m feeling from one minute to the next!

Watching it all unfold has been surreal. Daily counts of those infected and those sadly that have lost their lives because of Covid-19 has quite simply shocked me. Heading into work this week (I work at a children’s hospital in a city centre) on a near empty rush hour train (hence the photo) the reality started to sink in.

The past few days has been full on with decisions and plans at work being made, remade and changed. The impact of each decision being reviewed and considered. Staff in my team in tears at one time or another with the stress and fatigue of the unknown. Then, the schools announced closure, but not for offspring of key workers (NHS staff, children in need, teachers etc). My two boys (15 and 12yrs) went into meltdown. Resolutely refusing to go because no-one else will be. This is still ‘under discussion’.

My mum was diagnosed with skin cancer on Tuesday. Two different types in two locations. She is 76 and already ticks ‘underlying health condition’ boxes. It was upsetting but treatment decisions have been made now and she has astonished me with her positive attitude about it all. I think she can see the bigger picture and is for once not asking ‘what if?’. She and my dad are self isolating and I’m feeling so proud of them both because I know they are feeling scared and isolated right now.

Interestingly I don’t think in my 25 years of working for the NHS I’ve ever felt this valued by so many. All sorts of shops, cafes and businesses are giving out free drinks, 50% off food and even free bottles of hand moisturiser to NHS workers. People are being lovely and so supportive and considerate. That’s such a positive to come out of this.

So, with all the drama and the stress, the sadness and the worry, my anxiety levels have of course been sky rocketing. Change is often so tricky and we are dealing with it daily, sometimes hourly. But for every moment of anxiety, there has been a glimpse of calm and peace brought by all the lovely, kind deeds that I’m witnessing. The renewed sense of community is palpable. Yes, there are stories of selfish idiots and acts of pure nastiness, but I’m not focusing on that. We are all in this together and I hope that after it is over we are all better humans and an improved society in many ways.

Finally, I’m not going to lie, there have been moments of ‘fuck it, I am going to drink’. I haven’t and I’m actually really, really glad about that. It would not help me right now.

Stay safe, be kind and take good care of yourselves. Oh, and keep blogging … reading your posts certainly helps me stay positive when it all gets a little too much. 😊❤️

Claire xx

32 thoughts on “The only constant is change”

  1. oh Claire, wow. I am so sorry about your Mom and hope your parents are doing ok during confinement. Also, you are dealing with so much right now in the NHS, and so are your kids probably. All we can do is keep going one day at a time, and stay here for one another. It’s so good to hear that people’s sense of unity and community is still alive and can come out into the open in difficult times. Sending big big hugs and lots of love xoxoxo ❤ Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Anne. In a funny way I don’t feel alone because everyone is struggling in one way or another. My parents are actually being good and sticking to guidelines which I am so pleased about. They live close so walked and waved from the end of the drive! It’s a lot to deal with but it’s all about change and supporting each other. Thanks for the hugs and love 💕

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Claire – very scary times for all in the NHS – I feel bad being outside of it at a time like this but may yet be called in if it gets as bad as some people think. I’ve noticed the shift in priorities and what/who we are valuing and I hope it brings lasting change – you deserve as many free coffees, handcreams as you want and a pay rise – all of you! Love and hugs 💞💞💞

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks 😊
      We were talking to the psychologist on our team yesterday. It’s likely the psychologists and psychiatrists will all be redeployed quickly due to concerns about the increase in mental health issues.
      Don’t feel bad. Everyone just does all they can and helps where they are able. Love and hugs back 😘

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I think kids are understandably feeling stressed and anxious about it all now. Hard enough for us to get our heads round it, they don’t stand a chance. Mine keep asking for clarification I just can’t give them!
      Receiving the giant hug with huge thanks 😊 ❤️ x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It is so much to wrap your head around. I really can’t imagine what it must be like to work for a hospital right now. I’m so sorry about your mom’s diagnosis, especially at a time like this, but I’m glad treatment plans are in the works. My daughter would have the exact same reaction about school. As it is, I’m having to home school her, and it is not going well with her attitude most of the time. Stay strong and safe! Many hugs!💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m hoping my husband (a teacher) will be at home most of the time from next week and he can cope with them! Think I’d prefer to be at the hospital 😂
      Hope you are ok and staying well!! Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Surreal is the perfect word. I’m sorry to hear about your mom. Sending strength, prayers and good thoughts your way. Breathe. 😘 Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. my daughter told me that the oldest grandson ( age 7) prayed for the scientists to help find a cure to help this corona virus. That tells me just how much this is affecting our children. Fortunately she home schools so they are used to being somewhat less social than most kids at that age. Here, too, all the parks are just packed with people and they cant really even go there any more..i feel blessed i bought a property this past year with a yard and some woods for them to use( although we cant visit with each other because my son in law, son, and one grandson have been sick and all in the same household). I’m so glad many people seem to be gracious and giving there..i wish our country was more like that. Too many are really just self centered here, and i hate to say it, i feel like our leader has just made that sentiment worse during his reign. Stay safe & positive!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You can say it. We have all for too long been led with a ‘us and them’ mentality. That won’t work now. This needs everyone supporting everyone else. God bless her and her prayer. I hope your family recover soon. Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Claire sorry to hear about your mum but glad she has such a positive attitude, that’s so important at time like this. Reading your post makes me think I need to get back and connect on here, I suppose we need to support each other more than ever? On the positive , if you’re resisting a drink in these testing times, seems to me you’ve cracked this drinking issue. And thank God we live in a country where we have an NHS. Peace and love. Jim x

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Ditto Jim- I’ve been so exhausted from work and dealing with peoples fear (and my own) that I come home and collapse. Going to make the effort of checking in here. Miss you all. Sorry to hear about your mum, Claire.🙏 Will keep you all in my heart. Stay strong, stay sober, girl! You’re doing fantastic! PS Can’t find any isopropyl alcohol to make hand sanitizer anywhere and thought “I bet 90 proof cheap vodka would work!”. Sanity took over immediately, thank God. Terrible idea.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really get that Elizabeth. It is exhausting. I’m trying to strike a balance at work of calming others but not belittling the seriousness of the situation. It’s hard. Definitely check in here. I think we are lucky to have our word press tribe. It’s a brilliant support and way to offload. So glad you didn’t get the 90% proof vodka 🤣
      Stay safe and keep in touch xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so sorry to read about your Mum & truly with the best for you and your family. You and all your fellow NHS workers are absolute superstars so thank you to all of you for all of your amazing work during these turbulent times! xx P.s Well done in staying strong in your sobriety!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you for all you do and I am sure thinking of your mom! These sudden changed are so hard and I have definitely had some “fuck it” times for sure. I haven’t caved though. I did eat an entire strip of Oreo cookies and almond milk ( I’m lactose intolerant ) last night though. UGHHH… Sorry I have been distant, it’s just been so crazy and with the kids home I don’t get any computer time alone. I have my phone but I find it difficult to type on. Love you and again, thank you for all you do for us in this crazy time right now. xoxoxoxox

    Like

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