I can’t sleep. I’m just lying here staring into the dark and wondering what I should do. I’ve decided I will post on my blog. Just fill the time waiting to drift off and put my private thoughts down for all to read. I like to share! I read somewhere that you should write down what goes through your mind when you can’t sleep. I think I’ll do it as a list, spurred on by the recent post by blogger bereavedandbeingasingleparent. Here is my list of ‘keeping me awake’ thoughts …
- Why can’t I sleep? All I’ve wanted to do today is sleep and now I’m wide awake!
- Why has running become so difficult? It feels as if each leg is filled with lead and every step is a huge effort.
- I have successfully managed three days on my significant reduction in sugar diet. It’s bloody torture.
- I realised that 5.1g of sugar per 100ml in alcohol free wine is A LOT of sugar!! Now I have to kick that addiction too. Am I psychologically attached to AF wine now?
- My 15 year old son looks like a huge adult now. He takes up so much space.
- I actually don’t understand what my 15 year old says some of the time. For a speech and language therapist, that’s poor!
- I’m still a bundle of pins and needles with stiff wrists, arms and hands. No feedback from MRI over 3 weeks ago. Do I chase it? I suspect I’m just getting old.
- I reached 5 months sober last Friday. I celebrated by ordering an early birthday present for myself. An ipad Air. Never having owned an iPad I am ridiculously excited for it to arrive.
- I bet my iPad doesn’t come for ages.
- My birthday is less that two weeks away. I’m going to celebrate the day by heading to los Lounges, les Gardenia, Santa Bedroomed and Playa de Kitchena. I’ll also take a super exciting trip to ‘Worlde de Outside’ for up to an hour. I’m looking forward to it already.
- I don’t really miss drinking at the moment. For someone who loved to drink at home that’s pretty good going.
- I don’t miss social outings with lots of people either, particularly centred around drinking
- I keep forgetting to face time or Skype people for a social catch up
- I’ve realised I’m actually quite an antisocial person.
- What if a test for antibodies is developed? Will there be two distinct groups of communities? Those with an ID card that proves they are immune to Covid-19 and those without. The cans and the cannots?
- Are my children actually learning anything via homeschooling at the moment? When will they have to submit anything to be checked? How do you learn if you don’t ever have any feedback?
- Will I ever know what to do about my relationship with my husband? Why can’t I put my finger on what is wrong? What is it I want?
- I’m quite enjoying not having to think about what I’m wearing or what I look like.
- For some reason I’m not getting notifications that people have replied to my comments. Am I on a ‘word press’ naughty list?
- Will I ever get to sleep?
There we have it. 20 thoughts, listed in no sensible order. Lots of unanswered questions. To be honest I’m not sure it’s helped writing them down. It’s passed the time though. I now have around 6 hrs before a video meeting which I am supposed to be leading. Joy.
I’m going to stay positive and be grateful though. A quick grateful list …
- I’m grateful my family is currently healthy and well
- I’m grateful I have a job and I am able to contact and support my patients and their families
- Thankfully I am working from home tomorrow so I can always move from my office to my bed in two (maybe three) steps and have a little midday lunchtime snooze if needed
- I’m bloody ecstatic that I have an iPad on its way (that’s terribly shallow and materialistic I know, but I’m being truthful here)
- I am so so grateful I won’t wake up in a few hours feeling hung over and shitty. Tired yes, but miserable from too much wine, no.
- Finally I thank goodness for my blog. I can spew it all out here and get it off my chest. Unfortunately you lot had to read it all! 😁
Stay safe, sleep well