Lists, lists, lists …

I can’t sleep. I’m just lying here staring into the dark and wondering what I should do. I’ve decided I will post on my blog. Just fill the time waiting to drift off and put my private thoughts down for all to read. I like to share! I read somewhere that you should write down what goes through your mind when you can’t sleep. I think I’ll do it as a list, spurred on by the recent post by blogger bereavedandbeingasingleparent. Here is my list of ‘keeping me awake’ thoughts …

  1. Why can’t I sleep? All I’ve wanted to do today is sleep and now I’m wide awake!
  2. Why has running become so difficult? It feels as if each leg is filled with lead and every step is a huge effort.
  3. I have successfully managed three days on my significant reduction in sugar diet. It’s bloody torture.
  4. I realised that 5.1g of sugar per 100ml in alcohol free wine is A LOT of sugar!! Now I have to kick that addiction too. Am I psychologically attached to AF wine now?
  5. My 15 year old son looks like a huge adult now. He takes up so much space.
  6. I actually don’t understand what my 15 year old says some of the time. For a speech and language therapist, that’s poor!
  7. I’m still a bundle of pins and needles with stiff wrists, arms and hands. No feedback from MRI over 3 weeks ago. Do I chase it? I suspect I’m just getting old.
  8. I reached 5 months sober last Friday. I celebrated by ordering an early birthday present for myself. An ipad Air. Never having owned an iPad I am ridiculously excited for it to arrive.
  9. I bet my iPad doesn’t come for ages.
  10. My birthday is less that two weeks away. I’m going to celebrate the day by heading to los Lounges, les Gardenia, Santa Bedroomed and Playa de Kitchena. I’ll also take a super exciting trip to ‘Worlde de Outside’ for up to an hour. I’m looking forward to it already.
  11. I don’t really miss drinking at the moment. For someone who loved to drink at home that’s pretty good going.
  12. I don’t miss social outings with lots of people either, particularly centred around drinking
  13. I keep forgetting to face time or Skype people for a social catch up
  14. I’ve realised I’m actually quite an antisocial person.
  15. What if a test for antibodies is developed? Will there be two distinct groups of communities? Those with an ID card that proves they are immune to Covid-19 and those without. The cans and the cannots?
  16. Are my children actually learning anything via homeschooling at the moment? When will they have to submit anything to be checked? How do you learn if you don’t ever have any feedback?
  17. Will I ever know what to do about my relationship with my husband? Why can’t I put my finger on what is wrong? What is it I want?
  18. I’m quite enjoying not having to think about what I’m wearing or what I look like.
  19. For some reason I’m not getting notifications that people have replied to my comments. Am I on a ‘word press’ naughty list?
  20. Will I ever get to sleep?

There we have it. 20 thoughts, listed in no sensible order. Lots of unanswered questions. To be honest I’m not sure it’s helped writing them down. It’s passed the time though. I now have around 6 hrs before a video meeting which I am supposed to be leading. Joy.

I’m going to stay positive and be grateful though. A quick grateful list …

  • I’m grateful my family is currently healthy and well
  • I’m grateful I have a job and I am able to contact and support my patients and their families
  • Thankfully I am working from home tomorrow so I can always move from my office to my bed in two (maybe three) steps and have a little midday lunchtime snooze if needed
  • I’m bloody ecstatic that I have an iPad on its way (that’s terribly shallow and materialistic I know, but I’m being truthful here)
  • I am so so grateful I won’t wake up in a few hours feeling hung over and shitty. Tired yes, but miserable from too much wine, no.
  • Finally I thank goodness for my blog. I can spew it all out here and get it off my chest. Unfortunately you lot had to read it all! 😁

Stay safe, sleep well

Claire xx


26 thoughts on “Lists, lists, lists …”

  1. Happy 5 months!!!! Hooray! I’m so glad you posted. I have many similar lists of questions when I’m up in the middle of the night. You’re going to love your iPad. They are great. Mine was stolen out of my car several months ago, and I still miss it so. Darn city life. I hope you were finally able to sleep and are not up reading this now. 😴 well!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh no – ipad stolen. That’s awful. I’m looking forward to having it but no idea when it will arrive. You must be at 5 mths now or very nearly there? I know you had a wobble but I don’t count that!! Glad it isn’t just me with the lists and questions swirling around my brain late at night. x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. that is a great way to pass time as well as purge the monkey mind. i do it often..since i have 2 other private blogs , it’s quite handy. Congrats on 5 months! i have’nt had any desire to try the beer again since that last night a few weeks ago…kind of scares me. I too decided to treat myself and ordered two art paper pads and a set of blu tooth ear buds so i can be wireless at work finally. I am strictly a laptop person..hate using phone. I do have an iPad by my bedroom for meditation purposes only..not a fan of the smaller screen and digital key pad thing…but most people love theirs! Happy Birthday!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love my work laptop but it can play up as its linked to the work systems and gets stuck in update mode. I too find the small screen of the phone irritating but I use my phone ALL the time which is why I wanted an ipad. I like reading news, playing word feud, shopping etc on my phone but think it’ll be easier with the ipad. Cant’t wait. Glad you treated yourself too. Glad you haven’t drank again. I think having a ‘test’ is a good idea for some. It seems to have worked for you. x


  3. Well done on 5 months Claire. I’ll send you a link for a mindfulness course (there are a lot of free online courses out there at the moment.)it really can help with situations like waking in the middle of the night and that situation you experience with lots of different thoughts cascading through your brain. Sounds like you have a lot of things to work out and I hope you get the opportunity to work out some of the answers during this lock down phase. Hope tonight you get the sleep you need. Jim x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Jim. Just one of those nights and hopefully tonight will be easier. A link would be great and I’ll definitely use some of the mindfulness techniques. The mind does strange things when we can’t sleep!
      Hope you are ok.
      Claire xx


    1. Hi Ashley

      Yes, that’s true. i figured if I decided not to post it could sit in drafts for a while. It did help and I eventually slept once I’d got it all out. x


  4. Happy early Birthday!! My daughter will be 16 on the 27th. What a time period to have a birthday. My other daughter, a senior isn’t really worried if she goes back to school this year but hoping a second outbreak of COVID 19 in the fall won’t hinder her entering college. It definitely could if it happens.

    Awesome on getting an iPad! I bet you will love it!

    It’s hard when we cannot turn our brains off at night. Our body is tired but our brains just don’t give up! Lol!

    Glad you and your family are staying well and safe! Congratulations on 5 months!!! ❤️😘😍😀❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey you. It’s a strange time to have a birthday but actually I’m not too bothered. I am quite happy to potter around and have some time to myself. If its nice outside I’ll get in the garden and maybe even risk a takeout! If my iPad arrives I’ll be occupied with that!
      Hope you are ok? Happy sweet 16 to your daughter. My son will be 16 in October. Where did that time go?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Time sure does go by way too fast for the things we wish we could slow down! Going good here. I love when we do our garden. Still too early here, we had 3 inches of snow here this morning. Yuck!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I bought myself a new iPad Air for my birthday in December. I love it. Good choice!

    All the other thoughts are stress. This is a very stressful time. Everyone I know is exhausted and not sleeping well.

    These are by far the best 5 months sober a person could ever have. So much happening…you might as well do it with a clear head.

    I’m sorry about your relationship. The uncertainty on the world does make life complicated. Most days I am now so happy I’m divorced. Lol . Things are my way.

    And my almost 17 year old is a giant. A full grown man growing a moustache. It’s hard to believe…I love having all this extra time with him.


    Liked by 2 people

    1. That has been really nice, not rushing them off to school and then madly trying to get things done in a short space of time. My two boys are really quite relaxed right now. It’s nice to experience it.

      I think my iPad Air is arriving tomorrow 😆😆😆

      Yep, relationships are hard that’s for sure. I will wrote a post about it one day. I keep starting it but then it becomes too difficult. It’s really good to have people on here who understand. It means so much xx


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