Anxiety … the truth.

I decided I would write this now .. in the middle of what I would describe as an ‘episode’ for me. I’ve been having a few of them over the past couple of days. We tend to always write after the event. Well, this is me. Claire. In the middle of it.

I feel sick. Really nauseous. My head is sore and I have buzzing in my ears. There is a tightness in my chest, it’s restricting my breathing. I can’t stay still. There is no single focus. My brain won’t rest. I’ve tried to work, I’ve tried yoga, I’ve tried lying on my bed and deep breathing. Nothing works. I want to get out of my own body because it’s scary and overwhelming. My skin is itchy, I’m uncomfortable in it. I can’t see a way out and I’m totally alone. I know I have failed. I have misplaced calm and peace. I wanted so much to be well and it appears I’m not.

I want to record this to remind myself how it feels. If I don’t do something about this now the next step is depression because I know my body and mind can only cope with these emotions and physical symptoms for so long. Then it’s total shut down. I’m so so tired of trying.

Love Claire x

43 thoughts on “Anxiety … the truth.”

  1. You won’t want to hear this right now but I will say it anyway, we’ll done for writing in the midst of it. I think being able to describe how we feel makes it easier to process these times so that next time is easier.
    Instead of fighting the current, let go and be carried with the current. Breathe in. Breathe out. And repeat.
    And I’ll shut up now.
    Punch a pillow. Hug someone right. Eat an entire bag of licorice.
    Or do absolutely nothing.
    Hugs❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh LT .. I feel a bit silly for writing it but I didn’t know what to do with myself. I ended up taking the day off work. I have been in bed for most of it and I’m so grateful for the lovely people here. I’m exhausted. Xx 😘

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for showing your vulnerability here with us. That is true courage. Not silly at all.
        Excellent idea taking a day off for yourself. That’s great self care.
        Have a lovely blobby weekend ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  2. We are here with you, Claire. Have you a therapist that’s on the same page with you? I’m sorry I don’t remember. This is not a failure. You are in the process of learning many things and you have the internal and external resources to get to where you need to go from here…… I’m so sorry you are going through this. You ARE well, Claire- you may still need a little help for now. Please remember these are storms coming through. You have shown us all your strength and resilience. Remember that as well. Love you. Contact me privately if you would like.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No therapist or counsellor at the moment. It stopped last September. I’ve been trying to recall what we discussed. I just don’t know what’s wrong. I can’t shake it off. Xx

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      1. Anytime Claire. Seriously. I think the hardest but best thing I can do during those times is to try to avoid judging it as bad. The judgement and spiraling down of thoughts can really make the experience so much worse and adds to the confusion. Hugs and lots of love to you.❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Really good advice. I definitely judge it as bad and myself as bad for not being able to cope when others can. When I feel calmer I can’t really remember how it felt to be in it. That’s why I wanted to write it down as it happened. Thanks again. 💕❤️

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  3. Keep coming back and talking to us! We want to hear from you. You’re not alone in it though. We may just be words on a screen but we’re here and we care about you. It sounds like a LOT, to say the least, what you’re experiencing right now, and writing to us will help you share the load.

    It’s not real. It’s not you.

    I wish you visions of peaceful fields and gentle creeks, and for your chest to loosen up and the buzzing to ease. And of course, hugs, and a second bag of LT’s licorice idea in case you get through the first!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That all sounds really, really yucky. I would argue that you haven’t failed; your tools have failed you, which even the best tools will do sometimes. I hope you’re able to come up with something that works. ❤️

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  5. Claire – I think misplaced is a key word. What is it that your soul is trying to get through but you are pushing back down? Stay courageous and in the light. You are facing it right here and right now and each time you’ll grow from it stronger. Misplaced is only temporary. Wrapping you in light, love, and hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No idea what my soul is trying to get through. I have to say, today is the worst I have felt for over 12 months. The shock of it happening again is frightening. X

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  6. You have NOT FAILED at all! It’s ok to feel this way, even though it feels horrible, as Limewithatwiste said, going with the current is the best thing to do. And as Dwight says, misplaced is temporary. All we can do in the middle of an episode is stop fighting, let go, and trust that it will end soon. And no big deductions about the future (“this means depression”: no it doesn’t ! It might havein the past, but the future doesn’t have to look like the past!).
    Sending a million hugs 🙂 We’ll all be here on the other side (as we are IRGHT NOW 🙂 )
    You are loved ❤
    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Oh, Claire! This sounds terrible. I know that anxious tight chest, that struggle to breathe. For me, it is paralyzing sometimes. I’m so glad you reached out. You haven’t failed! It’s ok to receive help of whatever kind you need. You aren’t alone. We are here for you. I wish I could hug you in person. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes, that is how I feel at the height of my anxiety, too. I’ve been reading the comments, and I’m glad it sounds like you are feeling a little better. When I was diagnosed with my blood disease, my doctor prescribed something just for moments like these. Not an ongoing med. Just as needed, just to get me past the paralyzing, crawl-out of-your-own-skin moments. It helped me. 🤗🤗🤗

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You really do get it! That’s exactly it … “crawl-out-of-your-own-skin” moments. I’m giving myself the weekend and then will contact the GP for sure. You don’t know how much it means to know you understand. I really needed this support today. I’m so lucky to have this group of people here. Xxx🤗🤗

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Claire. Thank you for the truth. I’m on a family trip in the mountains (actually a lot of people here because it’s Fourth of July). My son is struggling with anxiety and your post was really enlightening to me. He’s not good at expressing himself but now I feel like I know more about what he’s a going through. And you. I’m so sorry. I hope you get some rest, and find what works. Don’t forget to be your own advocate, and fight for the help you need. Sending love and hugs. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Collette, sorry to hear about your son’s anxiety. It’s a very difficult thing to explain and I’m actually really glad if my description helped. I did take some time off today and though I just lay on my bed struggling with all the feelings (the physical impact is really hard to cope with), I think I might have resurfaced for now. I managed to get up an hour ago and I’m watching TV in the lounge. I’m taking that as a small win for me! I’m trying to stay with this moment now, not worry about tomorrow. Enjoy the mountains. Is it beautiful? 😘 💕

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  9. I can relate to these feelings so much!! Thank you for making me feel less alone. I think it’s really brave to write in the midst of a crisis. I’m sure it wasn’t easy. Do you think it helped you process and understand what you were going through? I hope you’ve found some peace ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If me writing it down helped one person, you, then I’m so pleased I did it. It’s an awful feeling and you are most definitely not alone. If you read the comments you’ll see there are so many others that understand it. I don’t know if it helped me understand but it certainly took the sting out of the crisis. It helped me catch my breath and pause maybe. I’m not there yet, I may never be there but I’m trying new things each day. Good luck to you and thanks for the comment xx

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi Claire
    haven’t read any blogs for a few days and just catching up. I’m hoping things have improved a little for you as what you describe sounds really tough. Thinking of you. If its any consolation most people find that these periods do pass. There will be light again. Use any support going. End of useless advice. Take care. Jim X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not useless advice at all Jim. I have had a much better couple of days. I still feel on edge and I’m not my usual self but at least I’m not having all the physical symptoms of anxiety and it hasn’t spiralled into depression. Just have to keep going and hope that I learn how to stop the episodes becoming so intense and out of control. Xx

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  11. admission: i didn’t read all the comments because i saw you latest post that things were a bit better and you thanking everyone for support. I hate when i miss these things…life is passing me by so quickly right now and i don’t get on here as much as i used to so i apologize for missing it. Good to see the support here and be reminded again of why this blog group is SO important to me, and others…Rock on and xoxox

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you not being in here as much is due to happiness and contentment then I’m glad you aren’t able to keep up with all the posts and comments. I have been struggling and life is not easy for sure but I’m working stuff out slowly. Some tricky terrain ahead I think. Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I like your honesty – the reflection of our tone is fantastic. Been here, done that, felt just the same.

    Three steps forward + two steps back = one step forward! Progress. It may only be one step after the two back, but it is still equal to a step forward.

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