Reframing

After my last post, where I found myself in Limbo Land, I made a decision to try and enjoy today. We are back holidaying in the caravan and this time have come back to a place we have visited many times and love dearly, The New Forest. For those who don’t know, it’s on the south coast of England and is a beautiful area. Beaches, villages, gorgeous coastline and of course the forest itself. The weather is not forecast to be in our favour but today, other than one almighty downpour, it stayed dry and sunny. We cycled around 10 miles through the forest directly from the caravan site. Coming across wild pony after wild pony. Gorgeous brooks and purple heather stretching far and wide. It was gorgeous. Once back, we all sat out in the sun and I lay back in my luxury reclining chair (a treat to myself on our last trip) and I fell asleep. Completely zonked out. Likely I was snoring or dribbling, I was so out of it. I was fast sleep for an hour and woke up feeling totally refreshed and renewed. We ate dinner out (huge bonus), followed by us all doing our own thing for a while before watching a movie in the awning (tent attached to the van).

All in all it has been a better day than of late. At times, I still felt irritable and snappy. I also worried excessively that one of the boys will hurt themselves, or that we were cycling miles in the wrong direction. I just can’t seem to ‘chill’ or ‘go with the flow’. There were, however, other times when I cycled merrily along at my own speed and just enjoyed the moment. No real yearnings for alcohol today and not wishing for something different or better. A good day.

I have started to wonder if restarting the antidepressants might be a good idea. It’s been a couple of months since I stopped them and I am noticing the difference without them. I know they don’t solve underlying problems but I have lost that sense of peace and calm I had when I was taking them. The combines effect of antidepressants and sobriety seemed to reduce the negativity and endless worrying about everything and nothing. I’m not sure, still thinking, but it is worth considering.

I had another thought today, triggered by something Collette said in a comment on my last post. I am in limbo at the moment, feeling stuck and somewhat trapped. Collette suggested considering that it might be for a reason. There could be a purpose to not moving forward right now. After today, it dawned on me how little time I have left to be with my two boys doing what we have done. Cycling, having tea out, chilling in the sun and watching a movie in the awning. Maybe, just maybe, I am meant to be standing still. I have focused on the negatives of Limbo Land but there could be positives. This is an opportunity to focus on my children. To be available for them should they need it. I have been worrying about the future, when they have flown the nest, forgetting that they are still here now. This could be the time to truly build my ‘adult to adult’ relationships with them both. It is also the time to soak up the last few years of their childhood and form some everlasting memories. I am reframing ‘being stuck’. I’m changing it to ‘taking a pause’. There will be an appropriate time to make changes and move forward again. For now I will pause, tread water and be Mum for a while.

Claire x

32 thoughts on “Reframing”

  1. “I have focused on the negatives of Limbo Land but there could be positives” – I noticed higher in your post that after describing the negatives of your trip you took the time to list the positives and ended with “a good day”. That kind of reframing is soooooo great ! I’m still practicing doing it on a daily basis – my tendency is to only see the negative. Limbo and bonding with your sons and enjoying the present moment sounds like a wonderful plan, and yet another reframing. Much respect for all the wisdom in your reframing 🙂 Inspiring ! big hugs ❤ xxx Anne

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    1. Bless you lovely Anne. You and I are very similar. I’m sure the negativity comes from such high expectations of ourselves, our lives and the situations we are in. I can become so wrapped up in the things that don’t happen and go wrong but forget to recognise the good. Hope you are doing ok xxx❤️

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  2. I love the reframing… not taking away from the fact that things feel heavy right now, but wading through the muck while still being able to take in and feel the good. I think that a lot of our lives are spent in the waiting place, without as much forward motion as we’d like. So to be able to trust and look around and breathe and see the good is an invaluable tool in our toolbox. You are doing just what you should be doing. 😘

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    1. It’s that ‘waiting’ and biding time that triggers a lot of anxiety isn’t it? Somehow it doesn’t feel like I’m doing enough or achieving. No idea where that comes from. Maybe some situations are hard and not right but that doesn’t mean they have to change right this minute. Such a difficult thing to stop and let things be. Had a flood in the awning today. Standing water up over our ankles but I’m surprisingly calm about it. That’s another tick I think. 😘 xx

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      1. I know that feeling of not achieving or not doing enough very well. I thin it’s our minds, not being our friends, yet again. Less inner critic and more kindness and openness to letting things evolve as they will. Great job with the flood. Bring it on, as they say, or maybe that is the wrong thing to say these days, haha. 🙂 Xx

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  3. Time is a funny thing. We wish it away and then regret it’s passing. Sigh.

    My personal experience with antidepressants is that they bring me to a foundation to work from. I don’t believe I would be at that place without them. My anxiety was incapacitating and I rarely enjoyed anything. I could see my behaviour, but I had zero control of it.

    I believe I will need it for the rest of my life and I am ok with that. I have switched types once in 6 years, and it was a good change.

    Overall medication has helped manage my cyclical pms, generalized anxiety and episodic depression. I wish I had considered it yesterday ago.

    A good doctor and therapist makes a big difference.

    Hugs and love
    Anne

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    1. Hi Anne. Such great advice and I have been thinking the same really. It seems to just put me on a level, not change me or alter anything significantly, but allow me to control emotions more and then make progress. I changes mine once and was fine with my last ones. Perhaps I should have stayed with it. Who knows what to do for the best. I’m referred for counselling again but on a waiting list with access to a computerised CBT programme in the meantime. The worst aspect of anxiety and depression is the inability to enjoy life but the awareness you are missing out because of that. I find it soul destroying.

      I will find a way forward and if it means antidepressants to support me then so be it.

      Hugs and love to you too
      Claire x

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  4. Love this reframing. It made me think of the phrase, “the presents a gift, that’s why they call it the present”. Your boys are so lucky to have a mum that pauses and focuses on them. I think this pause will build great foundations for future adult relationships with them. Xxxx

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    1. Thank you. It isn’t easy to watch them grow up and to deal with the big changes in them and my relationship with them but I need to make the most of it and enjoy it rather than it being a negative period of time. Though currently we are all all squished in a very small caravan, with a flooded awning so it’s taking great strength not to become angry mum 😂😂xxx

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      1. Oh god I can imagine. Deep breaths. When I get like this Ive started to think what’s worse… an angry mum or an angry hungover mum. Don’t know if that helps. You’ve got this. Xxx

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  5. Reframing! It’s great and there’s barely any situation where it doesn’t work. Finding the positives in a situation clearly works for you so keep doing it would be my advice. Enjoy your break and your family. Nice photo by the way! X

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    1. It’s not something I naturally do and I have to make a concerted effort to do it but it really works. I am currently trying to find positives of having a huge flood in the awning and being water logged … can’t get out of the caravan unless we swim 🤪
      Beautiful place here though .. photo was taken on our bike ride yesterday. X

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  6. Sorry I missed your limbo land post! You have done a wonderful job with reframing! I really like the idea of using limbo land to spend more time with the kids. I have my one in college and other is a junior in high school, time flys by so quickly. Maybe starting back up on your antidepressants is a good foundation to build from. I know they have helped my daughter and like she said they “take the edge off.” She still needs to do reframe a lot but it seems easier to do that with a little medical help. I so wish the best for you dear Claire! Sending a very big hug to you!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️

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    1. Hey Jackie. Yep I know exactly what your daughter means about them taking the edge off. They seem to stop the constant feeling of unease and worry and allow you to start to move again. Time does fly by and I’m sure some of what I’m going through is mid life anxiety mixed with hormone changes. We spend so many years being ‘mum’ it’s hard to know what to do when that changes. We will always be mum, I know that, but not in the same way. I have lost my identity a little and I’m uncertain about the future. I find it easier when I have some space which I am having at the moment. It gives me a chance to breathe. Sending a big hug back xxx

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      1. You’re so right! It’s like our identity is changing as well as our hormones and life in general changing due to all this. I’m really glad your taking some space time to breathe and relax. ❤️

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  7. Claire this is brilliant! Trusting that whatever’s going on is where you’re meant to be right now and you can just be – saying that I would think about the anti depressants – they’ve made a big difference to me and I’m more able to process the whys of my moods if I do have them as not so relentless if that makes sense? Anyway your day sounds idyllic by the end of the telling – I hope you have more good ones the rest of your time there xx😘😘

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    1. Hey you. It makes perfect sense and I have been thinking a similar thing recently. Relentless is a good word. If you can have a break from the relentless bombardment of moods, emotions and thoughts then you can reset and start afresh. I think that’s what I probably need to do. Whilst away I am trying really hard to keep the reframing going. It is helping me at the moment. How are you? Xxx

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  8. Somehow I missed this post! A few haven’t shown up in my feed lately. Strange. Well, I loved this post! Really wonderful. Wild ponies! And I love the perspective that maybe you are right where you need to be. Spending more time with your kids before they are all grown is so important!

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