Happy Monday

From ‘The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse’ by Charlie Mackesy.

I am having a rather wonderful Monday. I know, I know. You may want to reread that first sentence. It’s not often I start with a positive and recently I’ve felt more negative than usual. But not today my WP friends, not today!

I don’t normally work on Mondays but I was supposed to go into the hospital early this morning to support a family whilst their baby is in surgery. Long story but I found out yesterday that my services were no longer required and I could stay at home. After a week off on leave I had been feeling anxious about going in. Work has been really stressful and I was starting to dread this morning. However, I now feel like I have had a ‘steal’ of a day. My first thought was … ‘I can catch up with outstanding emails before tomorrow’. My second was … ‘WTF is wrong with you Claire? Will you never learn?’.

It is now approaching 11am and my boys are home schooling upstairs in their rooms. We bought a new desk for my 13 year old and set him up with his own work space. I’m hoping he’s going to knuckle down a little more but I can’t do it all for him. Ultimately, the motivation has to come from him. I have eaten a lovely breakfast, had one too many cups of coffee/tea and done my yoga practice. The weather was miserable earlier but it’s already brightening up so I’m planning a walk with a podcast to keep me company. So far, so good.

I know I have to start work again tomorrow and I know it’s going to increase my stress levels. I have to find a way to deal with it. A way that doesn’t involve returning to guzzling wine. I’ll be honest, because we should be honest with ourselves right? I have been considering drinking again. On a fair few occasions and really quite seriously. I’ve been bored, stressed, lonely and frustrated …. all triggering the old habits and behaviours. The only thing that stopped me heading out to buy a bottle of Shiraz was fear. It scares me, the thought of starting and not being able to stop. I’m a believer that it can be doubly hard to give up something a second time around. For me anyway. I can do a specific diet to the letter the first time, but once I stop it I can never do it again. I would be the same with alcohol. I’m not convinced I’d ever be able to give it up a second time around.

And that, my friends, is the crux of this sobriety thing for me. At the same time as considering having a glass of wine, I am wondering if I’d ever be able to give it up again if I did. There is the warning message flashing big and red above my head. Don’t start again if you know you’ll want to stop at some point. Why bother putting yourself through it? So I didn’t. Today I am completely relieved that I remain sober and I will find other methods to manage the stress.

Wendy from http://untipsyteacher.com recently wrote a post entitled ‘How I get out of a low mood’. I have some of the same strategies and tools and it’s so important to make use of them. Today I am using them all. I’ll finish my coffee and this post, check on my boys and then get out there for some lovely fresh air. My only decision is which podcast to choose as my companion. Not a bad decision to have.

Happy Monday friends. Have a good week. 😊

Claire x

31 thoughts on “Happy Monday”

  1. Glad to hear you are having a great day, im about to clock up 7 months sober and i understand what you mean about the fear. Ive had a few cravings lately and even though ive got a couple of bottles of non alcoholic red wine in the cupboard i dont even want to pretend to have a drink. i think im afraid it will just make me feel the old feelings of opening a bottle and pouring a glass and i never want to be there again. Ive been unemployed for a few months so i think boredom has set in but i will be back at work next week and i cant wait to get back into the swing of things. It was worrying me for a while but now im actually pleased that im afraid to drink, its a healthy fear to have if it keeps me from poisoning myself. Have you ever tried any of the non alchoholic drinks? ive taken to kombucha as a drink while im cooking, but i find more than one glass a bit much, hope the rest of your week is as good as today 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I do have alcohol free substitutes and I relied on them a lot in the first year. Recently I haven’t needed them as much and I prefer tea or coffee. I have a good friend who makes kombucha and loves it. I few people have referred to it here also. Glad you have work again. I too think the fear is a good emotion if it prevents me going down what I know would be a very slippery slope. Have a good week too xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Claire! I’m so glad you were able to have an unexpected day off! I am really finding a lovely breakfast does make for a great start to my day. I will be thinking of you as you head out to work tomorrow. I was thinking the other day, did they have Underoos in the UK? We had them here as a kid and I always felt so happy and a take on the day feeling when wearing them. You could buy say wonder woman Underoos which was like a tank top and underwear. Could be fun if they made them for adults nowadays. Maybe give us a little “spark” in our day that nobody else knows about. Anyway, got totally rambling there however great job on hearing the warning! You inspire me so much as we started off about the same time and you are the one that has stayed consistent! (Even if you didn’t I’d love ya just the same!) 😍❤️😘😍❤️😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhhh thanks lovely. I don’t feel my mood has been at all consistent which I think has disappointed me really. I expected to be all calm and even once sober. But actually it’s how I manage not feeling all zen that’s changed and the fact that I do achieve what I call ‘inner peace’ in some occasions is better than not at all!! I love the idea of wearing Underoos… I have never heard of them but I’m going to google it right now!! 🤪😍❤️💕

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally get that feeling. I’m actually having it a bit today. I think the boredom and monotony of winter and Covid are just getting to me. Have that feeling that I want to feel something different. But I know I won’t do it because the fear is there for me too. As you know I did start drinking again and I knew pretty quickly that I needed to stop again. Sometimes I regret starting again because I could have been over a year of no drinking by now. It really wasn’t worth it in the end. Came back to the exact same problems I had before and they were even worse. Anyway good job hanging in there. It’s not easy sometimes but it’s worth it!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think many people do give drinking a go again, at least once if not more. I think it’s quite a normal part of the process actually. Even after being sober for many years. I never say ‘never’ but whilst I have the will power to hold onto my sobriety I will. I think you have done an amazing job of climbing back up on the horse and going again. No worries that you took some time out. You are where you are now and that’s what counts 😊🤗❤️

      Like

    1. I listen to a few different ones. Recently Kelly Holmes interviewing various people about mental health issues. French and Saunders ‘titting about’ because they make me laugh out loud. Brene Brown. Louis Theroux. Depends on my mood! You are clever … no need to pretend!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree completely. I have had the exact same experience with diets.
    As a result, I respect and cherish my sobriety.
    The thought that life could return to that sad, low and brittle place is really scary. I was so desperate for something back then, and it turns out the catalyst for that something was to remove alcohol.

    When I see women living on the street, homeless, I truly believe that could be me. Poor mental health and addiction are a short road to hell. I am grateful for the life I have and I want to keep it.

    There are no solutions in the Shiraz.

    Hugs and love
    Anne

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I like that …

      no solutions in the Shiraz

      Very true. My mental health is too important to risk and so yes, I need to respect and cherish my sobriety. I do feel strong right now, even with anxieties and stress around work etc. I think that’s the regular meditation and yoga which I would never stick to if I wasn’t sober. It all works together.

      Thanks for hugs and love Anne. Your support is invaluable
      Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The second time around can be harder because you are kicking yourself for slipping up, been there.. There is nothing to be gained by succumbing to the urge – the stress, loneliness and frustration will still be there the next day, along with the black hole of despair. Well done on heeding the warning signals. You are amazing!! xx

    Like

  6. Thank you SO much for the mention, Claire!
    There have been times this year getting my mom situated in her assisted living apartment, and still going to see her to help a bit, has made me want to run away and scream! And drink.
    Then I breathe, and am so glad I can be the daughter I was meant to be, not drunk and sloppy!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Glad you had a positive bonus day. Looks like you are using your tools and have the right mindset. Sending love and light! 💕🌟

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Collette. I have had a good week which just shows how we can feel pretty rubbish for a while but it does lift. I have been doing a LOT of meditation recently and I honestly think it makes a big difference to my inner state. I even found myself noticing how calm I felt this morning, trying to look for signs of anxiety … there were none! I mean, who does that right? Anxious because I’m not feeling anxious! 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️💕💕

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. It’s been a good week overall. Some work anxiety but actually managed with yoga and meditation. Very bad eating habits this week but one step at a time. Next week is introducing running and some meal planning to hopefully give me some structure and routine with my eating. Slowly does it! Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. aww..i thought i commented on this but i must not have. As you know i totally understand all of the above. The one thing that kept me sober for so long was fear -of failure, of losing control and having to start over. I am in the throes of all of it now. You are correct- don’t start again if you are gonna want to stop again..it gets harder. Almost 60 days now and again going through all the things that really tempt my willpower..big hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey you. All I can say is keep going, do your best and dig in! This is not easy. I know I am going to be challenged once life opens up again. I have no idea how I will handle those challenges but for now, I am sober for today. That’s all I can do. Xx

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s