I know it’s been far too long since I have written a post for my blog. I know how it feels when people you communicate with regularly on WP suddenly ‘disappear’. I know how much support and comfort my blogging tribe have given me over the past 20 months. I know all this and yet I have found it really hard to put pen to paper, or finger to keypad, and the more time that passes, the harder it becomes.
I am continuing to read posts and comment. I want to connect with and support my lovely friends on here and I really enjoy catching up with them. I find others’ posts stimulate lots of thoughts and changes for me. I just appear to have a mental block when it comes to writing my own ideas down. I guess a fair bit of my working life involves writing. Patient reports, letters, emails, documents, business cases. It can take the love out of writing. It’s a shame because I do find it extremely therapeutic and I honestly believe that without my blog I would not have achieved and maintained sobriety.
Yep, I am still AF! 20 months today actually. It’s still absolutely the right choice for me but that’s not to say I don’t continue to battle with the drinking demon voices. They come out to play and taunt me from time to time. I find that a lovely tasty AF drink takes the edge off the psychological craving. Some bars and restaurants are developing their range of mocktails and AF drinks which makes a huge difference. Sadly others seem to be stuck in the ‘becks blue’ and soft drink only days. I avoid those places like the plague. I still, as I always have, take it one day at a time and I never say it’s forever. It’s for today.
My depression (and sometimes anxiety) still like to visit me on occasion. Good of them both to hang around and keep a close eye on me! I have had a few ongoing health issues over the past couple of years … both with my mental and physical health. Nothing sinister and all manageable but enough to start me thinking I might be coming apart at the seams a little. Recent media coverage of the peri-menopause and menopause led to me contacting my GP about these various ailments. Rather than calling me a complete hypochondriac and sending me on my way, she listened and agreed that, at 49 years old, it was likely my hormones were running riot, having a little ‘reverse puberty’ party and causing me to feel, well, a bit crap. I’m going to try HRT. See how it goes and then potentially come off my antidepressants. It’s all so very exciting being a woman approaching 50. Some days I can’t believe my luck.
It’s now 1.20am on Sunday morning and I probably should try to sleep. The weather over here in the UK is lovely but very hot. We aren’t really used to it and what with my hot flushes, aching limbs and pins and needles … high temperatures mean catching zeds is not very achievable. It’s Sunday though so a siesta is definitely on the agenda later. Enough rambling. I’m sure everyone is hoping I’ll take another long sabbatical from writing after getting to the end of this post!! 😄
Happy Sunday all. Relax and enjoy 💕
Love Claire x