Rollercoaster

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Hello fellow bloggers … soberitsas, drinkers and all those in between. Today has been a pretty fabulous day. Don’t get me wrong, I am currently lying in a bubble bath feeling like my whole body has given up on me. I can’t move, can barely speak and I feel so darn tired I could fall asleep and drown! “What has led Claire to this decrepit but jubilant state?” I hear you all cry. One word … Rollercoasters.

Well, actually 5 words in truth. ‘Rollercoasters with my two boys’. Yep, I took them to a theme park. Alton Towers is a pretty famous park here in the UK and it has some BIG rides. The kind that every thrill seeker loves. Perfect for two teenage adrenaline junkies. So the three of us woke early, packed up our lunch and suncream (today was going to be a hot one!) and off we went. We arrived early, well before any of the rides kicked off, parked up and headed for the first ride of the day. Wicker Man. Fast, furious with so many ups and downs, you can’t catch your breath. No, the similarities to my life a few years back did not go unobserved 😊

I know some people just don’t like high thrill, scary rollercoaster rides. I can fully understand that. My two boys, however, totally LOVE them. The faster, higher, more upside down turns, the better. They used to be slightly nervous before going on but now they have not a single anxious moment. Pure excitement flows from every pore. It’s wonderful to watch and experience with them. And yes, of course I go on them all too. What kind of adrenaline junkie, thrill seeking, addictive person would I be of my didn’t?

It was truly great. We rode them all and a few of them more than once. There was a moment around lunch where I gazed wistfully at others taking a break, sitting on the grass or picnic benches, enjoying their food in a very civilised manner. Not us! Not a chance! You snooze, you lose, with my two. Onwards and upwards. Go forth into the battle!! Sitting down was for rides only (apart from the one where we were suspended face down for the entire journey around the rails!). Queues are there for consuming lunch. No time to waste. We went upside down, backwards, 0 to 60 from the get go, higher than you can imagine, vertical drops. We even flew! You name it, we did it.

I am absolutely exhausted. I have no voice left from so much screaming. We have walked 20,000 steps and more. My right leg is currently unable to move. But boy do I feel happy.

I was present for the entire day. Not once did I long to go and sit somewhere to have a glass of wine or a cold beer. I did everything the boys did. We laughed and joked when waiting. We looked out for each other on the rides. I didn’t think about getting home early to open a bottle and ‘relax’. When some rides temporarily closed for no known reason, I didn’t freak and feel stressed that the day wasn’t running to schedule. They dictated the schedule. They led, I followed. It was freakin’ awesome.

This is what sobriety is for. This is what it’s about. It isn’t the physical act of not drinking alcohol. It’s the life experiences you can relish and savour once you no longer focus your entire existence around drinking (or trying not to drink). I spent so much of my life, and my children’s lives, pent up, stressed and worried. I wanted everything to ‘work’ and be ‘just right’. I often drank to help me relax about the plan or the schedule. That was a neat trick, until it wasn’t. It made life worse in all truth. I was less present. Less of a ‘mum’. Far less fun. Now I have finally learnt I already have the ability to ‘let go’ without needing a crutch. I had the tools inside me all the time. Yes, it’s a rollercoaster and yes, it’s bloody scary. But I’m here, I’m awake and it’s completely exhilarating!

Claire x

19 thoughts on “Rollercoaster”

    1. Thanks Dwight. At this stage I think it’s accepting that life is tricky and there are going to be ups and downs that have to be lived and experienced. Yesterday was fabulous, today not such a good day for me. That’s how it goes, sober or not, I guess xxx

      Liked by 2 people

  1. This is freakin’ awesome!!! I am so happy you had such a great day with your boys! Definitely a memory to be cherished for sure! You made this all happen and I totally am so proud of you!! I think you’re awesome and have I told you I love ya?! 😍 Sleep well and thanks for sharing today with us! I am sitting here with my green tea and so happy now! ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Really love this Claire. I have often felt as if on a roller coaster, going up and down between my sober healthy days and my hung over ones. It’s like I need a constant reminder that alcohol will only bring me down, in the long run, most of the time.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is such a cool post! I can feel your excitement. You are so right that sobriety is not about not drinking. It’s the living we get to experience, and remember, and treasure. Xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It was such an exciting day. Interestingly I have had a low day today and feel extremely worn out. I was feeling really annoyed with myself about it earlier but I then I gave myself a break. I’m 49, I had a full on day whizzing around without a rest. I’m not super human!!! I forget sometimes I’m not in my 20s and 30s anymore! 💕💕

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  4. That sounds like an amazing day, what a cool Mum you are ! That is the kind of day that your boys will never forget and will talk about forever more! Hats off to you 👏👏👏 Don’t think I would be so brave 😉xx

    Liked by 1 person

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