Sobriety Update

Taken on my birthday weekend visit to the Peak District

I guess one of my first ‘dipping my toe back in the water’ posts should be an update on my sobriety Alcohol consumption is the very reason I found myself here in November 2019, desperately searching for answers, support and reassurance. As I built up my sober tribe and my community of support, I dumped the booze and began a journey of self discovery.

That all sounds very touchy-feely and ‘woo woo’ I know, but I have learnt so much about anxiety, depression, the benefits of self-compassion, trauma in childhood, patterns formed from the trauma, numbing, leaning into vulnerability …. the list is endless. I am slowly unpicking it all and getting stronger daily. I have to be totally honest, I am not 100% sober anymore. I recently decided to have one glass of wine. It was a decision I took a long time to make and I have some very large and strict caveats to trying this out. I know it is unlikely I can moderate. When I use the term ‘moderate’ I am talking about a glass of wine every couple of months if that. The moment I begin to ‘think’ about it, or enter into a conversation with my wine witch … I am going tea total.

When I gave up drinking I didn’t have a plan. I said ‘not today’ but I could never say ‘never again’. I reached 26 mths sober but I’d stopped counting time tbh. I have had two glasses of wine in the past 3 mths and it’s been fine. I haven’t wanted more and I certainly haven’t thought about it again. I am fully prepared to completely stop again but like many others my curiosity got the better of me. I don’t advise it to anyone else as I know the return to alcohol addiction is an extremely high probability. I have enormous support around me who check in with me daily and I am working with my therapist through this. I am also fully aware that I may just be kidding myself and any form of moderation is impossible for me.

So, there we have it. Cards on the table. I will keep being honest and open in my posts and continue to support anyone if I can.

By the way, I am in touch with Jim if anyone remembers him? He’s still very much sober and doing really well!

Claire x

21 thoughts on “Sobriety Update”

  1. Claire – wherever you are in life I hope you know I’ll always support you! Life is always constantly changing and hopefully we can adjust and grow with it. Glad you’re back posting. Also, glad to hear Jim is doing well. 😊💯🤗❤️

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  2. So interesting Claire that we are having similar thought processes around alcohol and I think that’s brilliant that you’ve had a glass and then left it. I’m not sure I could stop at one which is why I’ve not so far. I do think if we deal with what’s underneath then maybe we lose the compulsion – (Gabor mate territory) but there’s so much to want to block out in the world at the moment! Say hi to Jim for me Im glad he’s well and love and hugs to you 💕💕

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    1. I agree DGS. I want to believe my relationship with alcohol has changed but only doing this experiment will I know. I didn’t feel ready before. I was too frightened of the risk. We will see. Baby steps. I read the book you recommended … Adult children of emotionally immature parents. It blew my mind! On so many levels. I’m about to read it again. So useful and it resonated quite profoundly with me. Xx

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      1. I’m glad – I bought it for my daughter! My lovely therapist recommended it to me. It’s too early for me – I need to get over the weed first -maybe I never will and I’ll just stick to my horse addiction! 😂😂💕💕

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      2. It may be too early for me too. I’m not sure at all if I’m truly honest. This weekend has been tough psychologically and made me rethink whether even smallest amounts of alcohol is the right thing. It’s unrelated to alcohol but I feel like my mental health is vulnerable and so anything that can negatively impact it should be avoided. So tricky xxx

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    2. Is that what Gabor mate says?
      I though he was more once you get at what’s underneath you wouldn’t even want it…
      I’ll have to go back.
      Over the years I have contemplated drinking. But sobriety has been a foundation that has helped me through some terrible times.Times that drinking might have destroyed me.

      That is a risk I am unwilling to take for a glass of wine. I’m not sure what that offers?

      Anyway, off to look at Gabor!
      Anne

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      1. Hi Anne – I meant Gabor territory with the unmet needs underneath but it makes sense that if those needs are met then that reason for addictive behaviour would not be there – C my husband believes that and he went from sobriety to moderation back to sobriety to support me with ease. However I think the brain pathway would still be there albeit dormant so loss, times of stress or threat etc it could easily fire up again 💕💕

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  3. Hey you! So great to hear from you! All you can do is what your doing, try it and see. If it becomes a problem, you are strong to kick it all together again. I don’t have a problem with drinking occasionally, however I know I’m in the minority. I literally cannot even think of daily drinking again and waking up feeling blah. I’m so glad your back posting and I’m always here for ya chicky!!! ❤️😘😍 So glad to hear Jim is doing well and very cool you keep in touch with him! Love ya!

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  4. Hi Claire! I’m so glad to see your post! I really hope that the occasional one glass of wine works for you. I totally get the desire to try it out. I’m thrilled to hear that Jim is doing well. Have you met up in person? Please let him know I said hello. Always here for you, my friend. 🤗

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  5. Please be careful with the wine.
    I have seen so many people come and go over the 8 years I have been sober and moderation never adds to any one’s life. The stories are sad and hard.

    Take care of yourself.
    Anne

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    1. I hear you Anne. I haven’t had a drink for a while and I’m really not tempted. It’s been a tough time and I can’t see alcohol helping in any sense. I was supposed to be out on Saturday night but I’ve dropped out. I want to have some down time where I am not even around people drinking. It feels safer and more normal for me right now. I hope you are ok?? I just spotted your post and you sound like you’ve had a really tough time yourself xx.

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  6. So good to hear from you on here. I noticed the post last week, but wasnt able to respond. I see that others have and that is all good. I have so much i could say on the subject, but bottom line is that we all have to find our way. I did the whole sober, then moderating, then short relapse then sober again. At this point , and pretty much for the past year or so, i just havent felt the urge to drink much. In fact, since this year started i have had only one night when i drank 3 glasses of wine, had more on hand but stopped because i just didnt want more.That bottle still sits unopened in a closet. That was new for me. But honestly even thinking about it now nauseates me. I’m not quite sure how this all came about, but i am grateful none the less. Thanks for sharing and hope to see more from you soon!!

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    1. I’m feeling a bit the same tbh. It’s not something I am even thinking about really and it makes me feel nauseous if I do think about having a drink. Weird but helpful for me! Xxx

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