Hearing Voices

I’m approaching two weeks sober and up until last night it has actually been fairly straightforward. I knew what to expect. The first few days and nights would be pretty rough, and they were! Then sleep improves considerably and things are good …… and then the psychological cravings begin.

Last night the ‘voice’ started. My WHINE WITCH!

“It’s Friday, just have a red wine to chill out’

“How much harm can having one or two on a Friday night do?”

“Come on Claire, you have had such a stressful week at work, you deserve a drink”

The usual stuff. I’m sure anyone reading this with a strong tie to alcohol, who has tried to stop drinking, will recognise it. It’s even happened today. I have had a lovely day to be honest. I’m dog sitting again and I’ve walked him, been to yoga, had brunch with my yoga buddies and then walked pup again, whilst waiting for my youngest to have his squash lesson. We ventured into a cafe for 15 mins and I sat with my latte, feeling content with the world. A couple sat next to me, with their baby in a high chair. The waitress brought them a pint of larger and a glass of white wine. OMG! The Whine Witch went crazy!!

“Ooh that looks lovely. You should get a bottle on your way home and have a glass”

“You’ll never be able to sit and enjoy that experience again if you give up. You’ll miss out!”

Blah blah blah! Same old rubbish from the WW. But man, it can be so tough to ignore her. Buzzing around my brain. Tempting, taunting, teasing. She’s loud at the moment. I know the more I ignore her, the quieter she becomes over time. I do know that, but right now she’s drowning out the positives. I’m not sure there’s any way of shutting her up but I wish there was!

The power of the mind is pretty phenomenal. I have hard evidence through lived experience that drinking alcohol makes me ill, impacts on both my physical and mental well-being and costs me emotionally and financially. I know for a FACT, I can’t moderate. Yet, I still start to believe the WW when she blatantly lies to me. Maybe I want her to be speaking the truth so badly, I’m willing to override my own judgement.

Anyway, all I can do it white knuckle it right now. Keep telling her that’s she’s talking bulls**t and ride out this next few weeks, knowing it does and will get easier.

Love Claire x


18 thoughts on “Hearing Voices”

  1. Oh, yeah. I’m right here with you. We’ve already tried drinking, though, and it goes to places we don’t want to go. Always. Eventually. And it is hard to get going again. But we are now at 2 weeks!!! Let’s keep going. Fuck the witch. Reach out if you need me! Hugs! xo

    Liked by 3 people

  2. THATS RIGHT FUCK THAT WITCH, HA! You are driving this ship and can do this. Each day of being sober is a huge hug to yourself. Just keep reminding yourself of how awesome those mornings are waking up clean and sober! 😊💪

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Dwight! I think it’s because I’ve been fighting off some kind of virus and feel a bit off. Then you start wondering why you are doing this!! But I’m hoping that will go soon and I’ll start to really feel and see the benefits 😁😁

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh I know that all too well! Way to go on 2 weeks! I echo Dwight’s morning comment! For me if I drink I cannot do something I now love which is early morning workouts. They have really changed my brain when it comes to alcohol. It’s so much better waking up smiling rather than all that guilt from drinking. You are doing awesome!! 😃❤️😃❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Good to talk it out! I had kind of a squirrely day yesterday on day 893 🙂 I know how easy it is to just try to commit to trying “harder,” but you may want to add in a couple more sober supports. Whatever that means to the down deep real raw you. That wine glass at the next table really is jarring, and I will always sort of wonder why. Why do I want to sit with someone I love or find interesting and proceed to lock myself into my own head/heart?

    Congratulations on two weeks!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah it’s true. Tbh I haven’t didn’t much time in venues where alcohol will be served and this was a cafe so it threw me a little. I don’t think I’ve got to the bottom of ‘why’ I believe things would be so nice or ‘better’ with a glass of wine. It’s obviously not the case, yet my mind still takes me there. Weird xx


  5. Hi Claire,

    I too am 2 weeks sober after a one day relapse on New Year’s day. I would’ve been 60 days instead of 16…..that voice is our disease talking. This disease of alcoholism wants us dead. Period.

    I rely on prayer to my higher power since starting the steps. I look forward to the promises being fulfilled as the big book states. The mental obsession is awful…. we need to remember this is a body, mind and spiritual disease. The only way to keep drinking at bay for me is to work on these 3 things on a daily basis. Stay strong…. xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for commenting Stevie. It is truly a poison for the mind and body! I woke this morning glad I had stayed sober but now I’m in a battle with my mind again!! So exhausting. Xx


  6. Hang in there Claire ! We all know what a b***ch that witch can be ^^ you got this ! 2 weeks is awesome as everyone has pointed out ! The witch doesn’t stand a chance 🙂 Sending giant hugs your way ♥️✨🌸

    Liked by 1 person

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