After what can only be described as a very shaky evening last night I am relieved to say I didn’t drink any alcohol. I eventually went to sleep after reading others posts on their blogs and gaining some reassurance that I am not in this alone. I know now that had I had that glass of wine (which incidentally would have meant going out to buy it as I am not keeping any in the house at the moment) I would have had the entire bottle. I would have woken up this morning feeling guilty, completely mad at myself and most probably very ill. As it was I felt ok. Not fantastic or ultra calm, but I figure ‘ok’ is, well, ok.
I guess what I need to do is stop blaming feeling rubbish and fed up on the inability to have a drink. Plus I have to stop reaching for alcohol to try and blunt those feelings. Thinking too far ahead and ruminating on things said and done in the past is also a problem for me. That’s anxiety and depression right there in a nutshell! I know what I need to do but doing it is so hard. Someone once said to me ‘following the most difficult path often takes us to the best places’. So no matter how hard or difficult this gets I’ll endeavour to carry on because I know from all of you that it’ll lead me to a good place.
I can do this, bring it on ….
Thanks for looking after me