Hitting the wall again.

It will come as no surprise to those of you who follow my blog and are in my little community that I have made the decision to restart taking antidepressants. I started them yesterday. This will be the third time in over 2 years and I am equally as sad and disappointed that I need them today as I was when I first took one in 2018. I honestly believed that I had this licked. I’d battled the demon and won. It has become apparent over recent weeks that really is not the case.

I will keep on going, using all the strategies and tools I have at my disposal. I will discover new ones on the way and rebuild my resilience and strength. I will remain sober and continue to focus on helping and supporting myself. Finally, I will accept that I have a diagnosis of anxiety and depression, that it is real and needs attention and that it is not a life sentence.

Claire x

33 thoughts on “Hitting the wall again.”

  1. Hug
    Suffering comes from Clinging to what we think is true…I stopped believing antidepressants were a crutch and I no longer think much about them. I just take them.

    I do not think you are weak or less than for taking medication. The opposite, actually.
    You are doing what it takes to live a well and productive life. Thank you.

    Anne

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    1. The messages here and support are helping me see that it is a positive and it’s the right thing to do. I just want to be able to live my life and manage. Thanks for the kind words Anne xx

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  2. Good luck Claire! What I say a lot to my patients is meds help you get to the place where you can do the other stuff that helps you help yourself – ie the tools, the therapy etc. When we’re battling the onslaught of depression and anxiety those things can be impossible tasks. It took me a good while to apply that thinking to myself as you know – in doing this you are taking care of yourself 💞💞💞

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    1. It makes sense really. I have an online course to complete .. CBT … I referred myself a few weeks back and this is what I was put on. I gave it a try but couldn’t see the point. Just felt even more despondent because, as you say, it’s exhausting feeling this way. I’ll go back to it once I feel better again. My husband asked me the other day, when I was still unsure about medication, what my advice would be to someone else in the same position. I read back your posts and my comments earlier this year and it helped me realise what was needed. Thanks xxx

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  3. I think you should give the same kindness, love and support to yourself that you give in abundance to others. To echo what everyone else has said, you’re being strong taking good care of yourself. Lots of hugs and cake xxxx

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  4. As the Dr said, see the meds as a helpful aid to get you to a place where other things can kick in. You’ve learned things along the way and staying sober through all this shows you’ve got bags of strength and inner resources. Focus on those, your strengths and awesomeness rather than the temporary need to use a a bit of medicinal support. You’ll get there Claire, I’ve no doubt! X

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    1. I feel more hope than hopeless this evening Jim and that’s the first time in a little while. It’s a nice feeling. Whatever it is that’s caused the shift tonight I’m taking it. I’m not analysing it, just appreciating it and being grateful for it. Thankful for some respite and peace at last. Important to savour those moments isn’t it? X

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  5. ❤ don't be sad and disappointed! It's ok to be on ADs and you gave yourself plenty of time to make this decision calmly. You are taking care of yourself! Ultimately, you are helping build future Claire and she will thank you ❤ xx Anne

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    1. Thanks Anne, voice of reason! I do feel much better already and can see I was not functioning. The calmness in my brain is such a relief I know it had to be the right decision for me. You start to think you imagined ever feeling that sense of calm and quiet and then when it returns you realise, nope, you were actually feeling quite distressed by what your mind was doing. Bizarre really. Hope you are managing with the final hurdles. Sending love xxx

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      1. that’s wonderful to hear ❤ (Must do an assessment of my own once the adrenaline from the PhD crashes after my defense mid-october. Then I'll know what's due to external stressors and what's up with my own "ditching the antidepressants" situation.) xxx Lots of love right back at you !

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      2. What were we thinking? Doing it at such stressful times? Well just keep on going and focus on mid October. All the rest can wait. Xxx

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