addiction, alcohol free, change, sobriety

Second time around

25 Comments

I feel I have started to get some confidence and security with my alcohol free life. I’m still attending meetings and absolutely loving it. I’m enjoying tapping into the spiritual side of things and understanding it more than my previous sobriety journey.

I’ve been away in the Philippines working for 10 days and it’s taken me a while to adjust to life on UK time and recover from the long journey both ways. It was an absolutely brilliant experience and I am so very grateful to have had the opportunity to go out there. And doing it sober was the icing on the cake.

I’m taking things slowly this time around. Small steps on my sobriety journey. I’m trying to dig into my behaviours and patterns. I can now see them more clearly without the fog of booze in my system 24/7. I’m praying to my ‘universe’ to help me let go of things I can’t control, and there is so much I’ve held onto so tightly; it is no wonder I am a knotted ball of anxiety.

I see now that stopping drinking alcohol is absolutely essential but it is only the first step. It is the foundation and without doing that I couldn’t move forward. However, I think my error last time was believing it was the complete answer. I didn’t change anything else, I just stopped the wine. There is so much more to do and learn and so much to be grateful for and enjoy. Just for today …

Love Claire x

25 thoughts on “Second time around”

  1. I love where you’re at on this second time around, Claire. Isn’t that the truth quitting alcohol is the first step and then hold on tight as you face your world clearly. So happy the meetings are helping and you are able to connect spiritually. I’m currently focusing on self-compassion and getting still so I can connect with my source. Allowing myself to vibrate if you will at a higher loving frequency and like you loosen up on the steering wheel and listen to be guided. You’re not alone on where you’ve been, what has occurred, and where you’re your heading. Always give yourself loving kindness. Much love to you my friend. Keep it up❤️

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    1. Ah thanks Dwight. I read Kristen Neff’s book ‘self compassion’ a couple of years ago at the recommendation of my therapist at the time. It was a game changer for me. I don’t always remember to practice self compassion (progress not perfection!) but I love how it helps me manage anxiety, reflect, and change. Getting still is my life’s work 😂 … my brain and thoughts race so fast. I know now that I used alcohol to slow that down but it dampened everything else too. The joy and excitement in small things as well as my thoughts and emotions. Time to learn a new way! Sending love to you x

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      2. See … that’s the universe/source/spirit finding ways to connect us. I really loved that book and have read it twice now. She had a work book too, and I follow her on Instagram. Happy Reading 📖 xx

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  2. Yep, the sober part is just the beginning ! Like you say, it clears the way so we can examine our patterns and behaviors and start to work on them 🙂 so lovely to read you! Xxx Anne

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  3. I love this! I am with you on my brain as thoughts run fast, actually with me so does my body. I am learning downtime is important. I am really liking myself as well. I am conquering new goals I never would have if I was drinking every day. I hate highway driving and avoid it at all costs. My girls were home from college this week and I drove my oldest to a big city for an appointment by myself. I then drove her back to college which is 5hrs away. ( Hubby drove home ) I was nervous but I did it. I love to keep setting new goals to broaden myself in all areas, just like you are doing! I love you had time away and to yourself, sober. So awesome! I’m so happy for you! ❤️❤️❤️

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    1. Thanks my friend. Yes, lots of new things to learn, habits to break and habits to develop too! I am actually really good at taking time out and being solitary now (maybe too good 🤣) and I am aware that it can be an excuse to avoid things I’m not keen to do. But I’ll be kind to myself, life is for living – not beating myself up because I didn’t get my to do list finished. I read yesterday that with some of us our childhood put us into chronic ‘stress’ state and eventually we were not even aware we were stressed. So we almost recreate environments to continue to live that way, because it’s familiar and we get ‘bored’ (or think we do) when we aren’t in that stress mode. Lots of dopamine and adrenaline coursing through us! But it’s not healthy for our minds OR our physical health. It’s actually a significant factor in physical health conditions. I can see that I have learned to live with ‘stress’ and felt it was normal. Then when it got too out of hand, I drank to take it down a notch. Not a great cycle to be in. Good for you for taking on new challenges. Xxx

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      1. Wow! That’s so interesting!! I can so relate to taking the stress down a notch with alcohol. I used to do that as well and I never tried to reduce my stress. I have been thinking about Easter ( I host it ) and I’m working this weekend, next weekend is Easter and the following weekend I’ll be out of town seeing my oldest. My dad is 80yrs old. Mom is 77. When they make the drive here which is over an hour they usually stay over which makes the following day dragged out with them. So I just decided this morning I’m not hosting Easter. I told my brother that doesn’t live far from me that maybe ask our parents to his Easter dinner at his in-laws. ( They have gone there before for different occasions. ) Haven’t heard back from him but I’m sure all will be good with that idea. Just have to tell my parents next. A HUGE weight has been lifted off me today. When I was drinking all the time I would have hosted it and drank as I cooked it all. I love how you said how we recreate environments to continue to live that way, unknowingly. I have been doing that for years. Your comment really validated I did the right thing this morning. Thanks so much!! ❤️🙌🏻❤️🙌🏻

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      2. It totally sounds like you did the right thing. I know there are many situations I put myself in, agreed to etc and could only do it drinking. Without that crutch I am now able to make better decisions about what I choose to do and what I don’t. Love to you from across the pond 😘 x

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      1. Calmer way to live for all of us. I reckon that’s why it’s so hard, because the western world is not well practiced at doing it. It’s all about busyness, achieving, cracking on, ticking boxes, external success, blah blah blah. You keep going. Nothing wrong with three steps forward and two steps back. It’s how we make small progress every day.

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      2. We equate drama and stress with normal living because it is so familiar to us. Calm and peace feel boring until we begin to change our thoughts and lifestyle (and get sober). We are strange creatures indeed 😆

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  6. i am so glad that you have opened yourself up to a second try. Many people feel so bad that they “failed” ( not a word i would choose but some have) they just give up..but you DIDN’T!!! And thats completely bad ass! i know when we met on here i was slightly ahead of you in sober time/recovery. Then, at one point, after 15 months of total sobriety, i decided to try to moderate. I started having a a bunch of “slips” though( when i drank more than 1 or 2) , which eventually led to a relapse( surprise, surprise) at the end of 2021. January of 2022, i had to start over, and i am happy to say i have been AF and sober ever since. What has made the biggest difference for me is not only an unexpected physical aversion to alcohol ( i still have no idea why that happened) but also realizing that just being a dry drunk was not gonna work. It is a lot of processing and AA ( while i hated meetings after a few months) had some awesome literature that truly helped me understand the psychology behind addiction and the real steps i needed to take. I think the first 15 months i was rushing through it…but this time i took more time and really let it sink in. I am so proud of you and so happy you are doing this …big big hugs!

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    1. This really resonated with me. I definitely feel the same and sometimes (not always) I have a physical aversion to the thought of drinking alcohol now. I am convinced it’s the AA steps program and the new things I am learning. Not facts about alcohol, I knew those before! But the acceptance and surrender. I am loving the meetings to be honest. They teach me patience, to let go of my ego and to listen! And the friends and connections I have made is wonderful. Life is still HARD but that’s life! Thanks for commenting 😃

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