Same and different

Today is Saturday 14th December. It is finally time to get the Christmas decorations out and put the tree up. I feel like I’m behind on everything this year but I’m not sure why! We are doing the tree thing this morning as a change to the usual tradition of early evening with alcohol to help us. It’ll be different but I’m slowly learning different is ok.

Tonight is the 4th Christmas ‘do’ and I have to be honest I’m fed up with it now. Added to that, my brother’s 50th birthday celebrations are continuing and there’s a family get together tomorrow and then a whole day of celebrating (party, drinks out etc etc) next Saturday. It’s wearing thin and I know that sounds miserable of me and I hate being negative about it all but … aghhhhhhhh!! It’s bloody hard going.

Last night I got home at 12.30am, shattered after working all day, going to a work Christmas party and sitting in horrendous traffic just to get home. I didn’t really enjoy it. I woke this morning (hangover free) and panicked that maybe I’d never really enjoy those sorts of functions again. Then I thought about last years. Same place, pretty much the same people and exactly the same format, with the addition of alcohol for me. Do you know what? Yep, exactly that, it was a bit rubbish. Don’t get me wrong, the people I’m there with are all lovely and I thoroughly enjoy talking to and socialising with them. I just didn’t like the venue (either year), the food was crap and the music even worse. Alcohol didn’t change anything about the evening. Maybe it went quicker when I as drinking but that was about it.

So am I different now? Has my personality altered? Will I become someone that avoids certain social situations. Am I boring??? Fundamentally I’m still me. In fact, the other day I was telling someone about my first counselling session after being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I was asked what I wanted to get from counselling and I replied, “I just want ‘Claire’ back”. I think that’s happened. Through counselling, finding like minded people, giving up alcohol and finally meeting what I can only describe as ‘my soul mate’, I am finally myself again warts and all. There are differences though. I’m not going to enjoy certain social events in the same way but actually I know I’ll enjoy and truly appreciate different occasions. I might not be the ‘party girl’ I once was, but I am becoming a better listener, less self centred and I hope a better friend. I feel my ‘social circle’ might diminish somewhat but I am building a network of people who are caring, compassionate, non judgemental and understanding.

So for every difference and change, there is a positive and a bonus. For each situation that maybe isn’t quite as much ‘fun’ as it used to be there are 5 more to enjoy! Plus, I am still me. I’m the same person with some differences. I’m getting to know myself again and for the first time in a very long time, I actually like what I find.

Claire xxx

30 thoughts on “Same and different”

  1. Right on Claire! I like you too😊. Love how you describe it, I wasn’t a social drinker the last 20 of 40 years and preferred getting beyond comfortable numb at home. The folks I hang with now aren’t big party people so that definitely helps. For me everything is so much clearer in a lot of ways and now I’m comfortably calm😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Ah thanks Dwight ☺️
      I didn’t just drink socially either, I would drink out or home alone. On occasions I’d drink out, alone 🙈. Comfortably calm is so much nicer than comfortably numb 👍
      Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m sitting here 6:15 am drinking my coffee with my Xmas tree lights on just thinking how nice and fortunate I am to have you and others here who I can share and relate to. These connections are priceless. Thank you Claire.

        Liked by 6 people

  2. Hi Claire, O that fear of not enjoying a party again, I have that too! I literally just posted about mine. It was good, I didn’t stay out until 2am like everyone else but I reckon I stayed until the time where everyone’s memory went anyway! Great feeling the next day too. How are you feeling now, did those early headaches and tiredness pass?? Emma xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey
      I’m feeling good. The full on ‘nights out’ is tough, I have to be honest but I’m carrying on and loving being up early feeling great the next day 😁. Headaches pretty much gone and the sleep … bliss. Hope you are ok Emma?
      Xx

      Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s great!
        I am good, sometimes I am so high early in the day I crash later on and my mood gets low. Not often, maybe once or twice a week. Need to get consistent haha! I’m 12 weeks tomorrow!! X

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I am exactly the same, mornings are great and feel so up beat. Later on I start to struggle. It’s the opposite of when I was drinking interestingly! Like you say, not all the time but a few times a week.
        Congrats to you .. 12 weeks is amazing! I’m 4 weeks today, one month on Tuesday 😁😁 xx

        Like

  3. i think a lot of people in recovery dread the holiday season, especially newly sober ones.. i attempted to be AF last year November/December . I was unable to go cold turkey, but i did at least get through with only 2-3 “slips” before committing in january. I think you are doing terrific! Love keeping up with you story here:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. All I see and hear here are a bunch of +++++++++++++++++++++++++ PLUSES. That, and YES, you ARE different now and your personality HAS altered….through all of the emotional/psycho-spiritual work you have been doing (which includes quitting the drink) you have GROWN up and past the old you! It’s so natural to miss the past and the old parts of our lives…but as MY therapists keeps telling me, “But that’s all in the past, this is now”. Right….right? You are doing so great!!!! ((((((hugs)))))) 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  5. hi Claire, you seem to have come a long way in a short time and that has to be brilliant for those just starting out on this journey. It is so much more than just giving up booze, we have to re-evaluate what makes a “good” time, who we want to hang out with, how we spend our time. It’s also great you appear to have found a soul mate too. So many positives. I see you as the the Buzz Lightyear of sobriety, “To Infinity and Beyond.!” Jim x

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hi Claire!
    We changed some of our routines, too.
    And I like them! We do the tree in the am, and Friday nights we often go walking!
    I found I really do not like big parties, and happily spend my time with close friends.
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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