Bad mood alert!

I woke up this morning and could immediately tell I am not in a great mood. I’m not anxious and it’s definitely not a black cloud of depression. I just feel a bit miserable. There is no reason why which makes me more cross about it. I’ve cancelled my gym class, I’m still lying in bed at almost 10am and I’m wallowing in self pity. I know all these things are unhelpful and the best thing to do is get up, shower and get on with my day. I know that is the case but still I can’t persuade myself to do it.

Today is my brothers big 50th birthday party. It starts this afternoon and then will continue on through the evening for all those that are hard core. That used to be me. I would be so excited about today. I’d have booked a hair appointment, painted my nails, planned my outfit. Lots of people to see and chat to, people I haven’t seen for years. Drinking alcohol, having fun, socialising, dancing and singing.

Now .. I just can’t be bothered. It’s not that I don’t want to go. I’m not dreading it. I know I won’t drink. I just don’t feel excited about it. That makes me kind of sad. It’s a huge part of the ‘old’ me that has gone missing. I know there are so many more positives to hold on to and life has been much much better without alcohol in it. I guess I miss the ‘high’ of the anticipation of a really good get together which used to come with drinking.

Maybe it will return as I get further down the sobriety path or maybe it just won’t bother me as much that the excitement has gone. Right now though I feel miserable and moody about it. Pathetic I know. I’ll allow myself 15 minutes of self misery and then shower, iron something to wear and paint my nails. Hopefully the party spirt might come knocking.

Claire xx

36 thoughts on “Bad mood alert!”

  1. Nothing wrong will feeling moody. It’s real. Nails. Paint them black. Be defiant😁
    I get it. A piece of you is no longer, perhaps. Doesn’t make you any less fun. It’s just a perception. It’s new this sober feeling and it’s not worn in that’s all.
    Enjoy the 🥳

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Awe…I hope the party spirit comes to ya! This is exactly so true, there’s a high of getting ready for a party with a glass of wine. ( or any alcohol really ) I’m still having trouble with that too! We can be moody twins! 👯

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  3. It’s ok to be moody! Once you get there, I bet you will have fun. But, it’s ok if you don’t! Nothing says you have to feel like going to a party today. Even if it’s your brother’s 50th. I know nothing about long-term sobriety as you know it’s early days for me, too, but it seems like others find their groove with parties eventually. And leave early if you need to!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I know, you are right. It’s just horrible when something you ‘should’ enjoy becomes something to overcome. It’s about adjustment but I want to be a fully adjusted adult right now and I suspect I’m not! 😉
      Home now, lasted until the loud, manic and rammed pub/bar then had to call time. Book, bath and bed I think!
      Thanks for commenting xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Claire, you seem a smart, funny sociable woman and maybe you have felt you needed a drink in the past in order to be able to have a good time. I know I was that way. It’s a bit of the illusion that keeps so many of us hooked to the booze. When you do experience a good time and realise you had that without alcohol (hopefully today😀) the world will look very different. I remember reading about an experiment done at a US university about 40 years ago. A psychology professor left his teenage son to have a party and left a huge bowl of punch which he told the youngsters was full of alcohol. There was none. They started drinking and started acting as if they had been drinking alcohol! Drink your AF beer as though it was alcoholic and see if you start dancing. Either way I hope you can enjoy the party. Dance and sing and maybe do the gym tomorrow when you wake up without a hangover.
    Jim x

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks Jim
      I went and enjoyed the main ‘party’ bit. I hadn’t wanted to talk about my not drinking but my dad has already told most people 🙄 so unfortunately I had to listen to how little they drink blah blah. But on the whole it was lovely to see and chat to people I haven’t seen in a while. My brother loved it which is the most important thing.
      No dancing but I will now go for a run tomorrow morning because I won’t feel rubbish due to alcohol. Tomorrow would have been a right off if I hadn’t taken this AF path.
      Thanks for your support
      Claire xx

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Glad you could enjoy yourself and hope the weather doesn’t prevent you having your run. Either way it’s great to wake up on a Sunday after a party without a hangover isn’t it? Well done Claire, you’re going from strength to strength! Jim x

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Like Limetwiste said nothing wrong with feeling moody. Fuck I get it all the time and definitely more in the beginning of my sobriety. It’s a new path and takes time to adjust. On those days I didn’t fight it. Just focused on getting through the day and went to bed early. You’ll learn a lot about yourself today and tomorrow you’ll awake sober and feeling much better🤗

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Dwight, you are so right, it’s ok to feel moody and have miserable mornings/days. I tend to assume that it’s me sinking into depression again but without the booze I’m realising it’s a normal human emotion and feeling and it will pass. Things aren’t going to feel the same, I won’t enjoy some situations as much but I already know I am loving other situations far more than I did before.
      Adjustment is the word. I might look up some lit about adjusting!!
      Thanks 😊
      Claire xx

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Hi Claire! What I want to say: NOT PATHETIC at all !!! Feeling moody or sad or sorry for ourselves (as everyone has said further up) is totally ok, those are human emotions, and I know that just like you I tend to worry whenever the unpleasant emotion peeps at me because I’m afraid it means “I am depressed”. But it doesn’t ! And being sober is helping me to learn that it’s ok to feel shitty and when we accept it, the emotion passes much quicker and we build a sense of strength and resiliency. OK LECTURE OVER. Back to the party theme: I hope you did manage to have fun, at least a little bit, because there is nothing more freeing than doing all the party stuff sober (dancing, chatting, laughing, even being really silly – last night I even rolled off a chair and fell on the floor on purpose at my friend’s house, I don’t know why, but it was fun). It really does get more easy and less boring and you can still have a ton of fun and go to bed early and wake up early: you get all the cake and everyone else’s cake and eat it all MOUAHAHHAHA ! So yeah, give it some time and keep being gentle with yourself ❤ (it's ok to stay in bed and cancel the gym too !!! ) ❤ xxx Anne

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah thanks Anne. I’ve relied on alcohol so long for my sense of fun I need to find my feet without it! And yes, it’s time to accept that being in a shitty mood is not a disaster and the rocky road to depressedville!! It passes .. and I can move on.
      Xxx

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    1. Yes I think I might have to avoid some social events. It’s just sometimes too much. We are heading over to a Neighbour’s house now and I really don’t want to go! That sounds rude and they are lovely people, but it’s more drinks and I’m tired of all that now. It’s been a long run up to xmas .. I feel much better than Christmases past because I’m not drinking everyday and feeling rubbish every morning. But I just want to go to the cinema, head to the theatre, read a book, go for a walk … I don’t want to stand around explaining my not drinking and wishing I were somewhere else instead.
I’m looking forward to the new year more than I ever have before!
Xxx claire xx

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      1. Hear hear to all of that. It does allow a lot more time for quieter pleasures and pastimes, not being on the social train. So awesome that you looking forward to the new year! I feel pretty darned good about it too! Xoxoxo nadine :))

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  7. Yes I think I might have to avoid some social events. It’s just sometimes too much. We are heading over to a Neighbour’s house now and I really don’t want to go! That sounds rude and they are lovely people, but it’s more drinks and I’m tired of all that now. It’s been a long run up to xmas .. I feel much better than Christmases past because I’m not drinking everyday and feeling rubbish every morning. But I just want to go to the cinema, head to the theatre, read a book, go for a walk … I don’t want to stand around explaining my not drinking and wishing I were somewhere else instead.
    I’m looking forward to the new year more than I ever have before!
    Xxx claire xx

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  8. I have to say that this isn’t the best time of year to be teetotal. Some of the hightlights in the past few years is our works christmas party where I’d regularly get cornered by one of the senior managers who always asked why it was I didn’t drink and how he could give up tomorrow if he wanted to, but of course he wasn’t going to give up becuase he enjoyed it so much…! I’d get this every year! I’d say that now I’m more confident, like loud and proud – which is really how I feel now. I no longer apologise for not drinking. If someone else has an issue, then it really is up to them to deal with it, I’m not going to worry about it.

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    1. You know, I think that’s partly it. I’m feeling quite shy when I’m out which is totally unlike me. I can’t really complain about drinkers banging on about and to non-drinkers. I did it loads, I’m ashamed to admit it though. I can’t wait until I truly find my feet with all this and am more comfortable in my sober skin.

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      1. It didn’t happen overnight and like you, shyness was something I suffered terribly with, after all i was the party animal with a belly full of beer. I’ve had to since learn to be comfortable in my own skin. Not easy, but it will happen in time. 👍

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      2. That’s really good to hear. For as long as I remember I’ve been the ‘life and soul’, the chatty, sociable (loves a drink) person. But it turns out that maybe I’m not actually as loud and outgoing as I thought. I don’t mind that, it’s just a surprise. Comfortable in our own skin. That I look forward too. 😁

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  9. You’re grieving your drinking self Claire -I felt like this for lots of social events and tbh I’ve not gone to a lot this year – but the last few I’ve really enjoyed! Proper had a laugh so I think sober fun takes a while for some of us and I still avoid things where it’s just about getting pissed. Be kind to yourself and only do what you either have to or really want to – sounds like you handled the party really well! Xx💞

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    1. I’m so glad I posted about this now because all the comments have reassured me that it just takes some time adjusting and yes grieving for what once was. It gives me hope that I will still have fun but also that it’s ok to not be quite so much the social animal anymore. Sober fun is going to take me a while but I’ll get there.
      Thanks for your great reply xx

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      1. I did a post about it earlier in the year – it’s come back a bit today as I’m heading to my old drinking haunt to see friends before Xmas in a bit – definitely harder this time of year! probably won’t manage to stay long – hope you have a lovely Xmas xx

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  10. Hey Claire, I’m a bit late so you are probably feeling loads better now! It’s so hard isn’t it especially this time of the year with so much going on. I had a little wobble yesterday and felt the need for a drink but it passed pretty quickly. Lots of love xx

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