Four Hundred Days

Calm in chaos

What a crazy, crazy time this has been and looks set to continue. I haven’t posted for a while I know. I’m hanging on by the skin of my teeth, white knuckle riding life (or so it feels at the moment). It’s a roller coaster that’s for sure.

I finally broke up from work for a week last Friday. I really needed to finish and stick that ‘out of office’ on. The stress was gradually building day by day. More and more to do; colleagues off sick with stress, Covid or isolating; people making big mistakes under just too much pressure. I could feel myself losing control so my leave came at the perfect time. I have to say, so many people seem really low and down at the moment. It’s no wonder with everything that’s happened and continues to happen. Now people’s Christmas plans have been upended at the last minute and the UK has a new strain of the virus that is spreading faster and is fairly unknown. Another huge test of people’s resilience and strength.

For me, my plans remain the same. We had decided to stay home just the four of us. We will meet my parents for a walk as long as it isn’t raining and not see my brother or my in laws until this shit show is over. I know vaccinations are happening but will take time and my gut tells me this will get worse before it gets better. So, I’m hiding out. Protecting myself, my family and other people. I did venture out on Saturday. Just to the local shopping centre and I hated the experience so much, I turned around and came home. Too busy, people not really paying attention to any guidelines and I felt unsafe. I’m not prepared to take unnecessary risks. I have to work in the hospital. My husband teaches in one school and my children attend a different school. We have to do those things. No point adding additional risks into the equation.

I haven’t been doing my yoga regularly or getting out for walks, runs or cycling. I can tell I’m going slightly stir crazy so I do need to begin my routines again. It’s so easy to fall out of step. I know how much better I feel when I keep up my own self care. I am so grateful right now though. Grateful that we have a warm, cosy house. Food in the cupboards and the fridge. Thankful that we can keep in touch with family and friends via messages and video calls. It’s the small stuff that makes me happy now. Interestingly, I have just noticed on by sobriety app that I hit 400 days without alcohol today. That’s quite something. It doesn’t feel like that much of an achievement anymore. It’s part of my life and I never want to go back. But not that long ago I wasn’t able to get through 4 days without booze so it is something to be proud of. I won’t take it for granted. I know I would not have coped with any of the challenges this past year has thrown up if I’d been drinking (and likely actually throwing up!). I would have been a mess. Now I feel like chaos happens around me, mostly out of my control. I can watch it, experience it and remain calm. Knowing and believing, this too shall pass.

Claire x


21 thoughts on “Four Hundred Days”

  1. I can really relate to this post, Claire. I am also, as you know, hiding out as much as possible and trying to avoid the chaos around. We are a little isolated island here. I’m also stir crazy, but we just have to hang on until it’s safer. I actually can’t imagine how I would be feeling if I were still drinking. I suspect there would be many more arguments, though, and quarters are too close as it is for that crap. Happy 400 days! Many hugs and much ❤️!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It is a trying time. My sister in london is also back to strict restrictions.
    Here in Canada we are not allowed to gather.I see friends doing so anyway. In the mountains skiing, etc.
    I will remain in my comfy house, no plans, no pressure. I am also on vacation, although work is now just steps away, lol. It was almost a distraction, but I enjoyed the sleep in this morning. Today is the shortest day of the year and it is very dark here.
    But tomorrow is the return of the light. I have some hope for 2021. I want to get to london to see Duran Duran in the summer. You never know….

    Yay for 400. Don’t underestimate how vital that is. I sometimes imagine drinking now. It would be a disaster.

    Take care

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh I love Duran Duran … I have seen them a few times Anne. One of my good friends gets us tickets and we have been backstage a few times. I hope you get to come over. I agree, work is really stressful but it is a distraction also and I am grateful I have a job that I enjoy, for the most part anyway. Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. congrats on the 400 and getting through all of this are correct- would have been way worse drinking like i/we did!..stay seems the U.S. is always a step or two right behind you guys with restrictions and such…just waiting for teir 5, 6 , 7 & 8..ugh

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Congratulations on 400 days Claire!! That IS quite something!!! 😃 As you know it’s just us 4 here too for Christmas. I am secretly looking forward to that. I usually host everything and I will miss doing that but for this year going to enjoy much less stress in that department. We did the same for Thanksgiving and it was nice. Merry Christmas to you and your family!! 😍❤️😘🌲🤩

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We did it one Christmas about 5 years ago. Just the 4 of us Christmas Day. I totally loved it tbh. So nice to do nothing much and not stress over any cooking or timings etc. I find it easier with being sober too. Xx

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