Finding Zen

I’m just going to start writing and maybe add things as the day progresses. If I don’t start somewhere, it’ll never happen and I’ll basically be a very lazy blogger. One who just reads and comments but never creates anything of their own. That will never do. Though I do love to keep up with people’s blogs and give my four penneth worth, busy body that I am!

Life has not changed very much since the ‘easing’ of some restrictions. Not for me anyway. Clearly for many others it meant no more social distancing, hanging out with friends and throwing any caution to the wind. Not helped by the total confusion caused by the government’s mixed messages. As far as I could make out it was chaos and bedlam. So I stayed home. Worked from my bedroom (which I’ve come to hate doing) and ate shed loads of chocolate. Think I’ll let the others who appear to have either no fear or sense be the guinea pigs in this little trial.

I’m trying hard to find ways to relax and de-stress when I’m not working. It’s difficult sometimes and on Saturday morning I completely lost my cool. Shame really as I’d just completed my very first ever yoga session and the lovely relaxed and positive feeling lasted a grand total of 5 minutes. It all started when I noticed chunks taken out of the sideboard, a smashed Xbox controller, random mess and crap everywhere and …. wait for it …. no milk left for my mid morning coffee!! Yup, that’s right. I saw red, blew my top, the proverbial hit the fan, I went bat shit crazy. When that happens in our house the boys tend to know it’s a very bad situation. I yelled, shouted, stomped around and there were even tears and a few words the children should not have heard. In the end I had a new office space set up in a warm corner of the back room overlooking the garden. Said room and kitchen were cleaned and hoovered. My bedroom was reestablished as a bedroom. Milk was purchased and coffee drank. Calmness ensued and Mum was chilled once again.

I have persevered with the yoga app and actually do enjoy it. It’s very basic and short but it’s what I need right now. I’ve managed a few runs too, still not kicking it’s ass yet but I get out. That’s enoogh. Anxiety, and particularly depression, is always lurking, never far away. It takes hard work to keep them both at bay. I have a much better understanding of myself and my triggers but some days I just want to hide away. That’s ok though. Just as long as I don’t hide for too long I guess.

Sadly it would appear I am better at demolishing and destroying the garden than nurturing or growing it. Two plants are already looking decidedly dodgy yet the weeds respond well to my green fingered attempts. We have become quite friendly with two sets of neighbours as we can now practically walk into their garden. They thought they had an intruder the other day, but it was my eldest son picking up his football. There are plans for fencing very soon so I will be safe to hang the washing out dressed only in pjs once again.

The most amazing thing about all of the above, the quiet calm, the loss of temper, the anxiety and low moods and the gardening, is this. I am doing it 100% sober. I reached my 6 month sober milestone yesterday and it felt like a regular, everyday thing. No booze for 6 months. So what? Easy peasy. Except those of you on this journey of sobriety know it’s not. It wasn’t for me anyway. It involved a lot of change. It meant becoming a different person to the one I had been for many years. I had to challenge my identity and adjust my view. I’m still changing now, 6 months on. For the better I hope. No, scrap that last comment. For the better I’m sure. I am the happiest I have been in a long time. Not with the global situation as it is, not necessarily with some aspects of my life but with myself and who I am. That might sound intense and dramatic but it is also true.

Right, time for session 3 of yoga, lunch and swotting up on some new vocabulary for my word feud scrabble challenge.

Just a pose I learnt yesterday

Love Claire xx

46 thoughts on “Finding Zen”

  1. I love how you say, “I’m just going to start writing because if I don’t it’ll never happen.’ You may be new, but you’re a fast learner. Good for you reestablishing the bedroom. I’ve sat on my bed and did work, until I walked in one day and my bed resembled my work table. That didn’t work for me.

    You should feel so good about yourself picking up sobriety amid all of this. Just choosing that path alone is a lot of change the first year. You’re doing great my darling. And yes, I’d see red too if there was no milk for coffee. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the lovely reassuring comments. I have been working in the bedroom for the last 7 weeks and it was starting to affect my mood and sleep! I feel so much better now I’m out of there and it’s a place I can relax now. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep, that the view from my back garden in sunny Brum and that pose is just one of many I have tucked up my sleeve!

      Seriously though .. I tried a beginners flexibility session today, it was so embarrassing. I’m just relieved I’m not visible to any other human when I’m doing it. X

      Liked by 2 people

  2. What I hang clothes on the line in can be a little scary, thank goodness I don’t have close neighbors!! 😂
    Awesome on 6 months! I need to start blogging more! I miss interacting with this WordPress crew!!
    Hope you have a wonderful day!!🥰 Have fun playing Scrabble!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I think little upsets are just as normal as little celebrations (I am not saying you can appreciate that at the time however!) But afterwards, once everything is blown out, for me anyways, I tend to feel calm and it even feels a little better. I took from reading this that you have a lovely home space and a loving family. It feels very happy to me! Congrats on 6 months! It is an awesome achievement! I guess it feels like just life now! You should be very proud and reward yourself with a treat! Maybe a new outfit or something yummy! 😁😁

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. It is an achievement but yes it does feel like it’s the norm and nothing special. I love any excuse to reward myself with a treat so that’s a great suggestion 😊

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  4. Congratulations on six months, lovely! So proud of you and glad I’ve had the opportunity to witness a big part of your transformation… You seem much more capable, confident and upbeat overall (compared to your early sobriety posts), ready to handle the world. I love reading your journey. And so impressed with your yoga skills! Sending love and strength. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you have been part of my journey and I part of yours. Not sure about handling the world but I feel more able to deal with what comes my way. How I wish that were really me in that photo and I could hold that pose! I struggle to sit cross legged on a good day! Hugs to you my friend xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Congrats on 6 months, Claire!!! That’s so awesome 👏😎💫🎸. Like you said no small feat at all. Could you imagine how completely different living during covid would look like while consuming mass quantities and having horrible hangovers? Yikes!
    If I know anything about moms, they ask very little of everyone else and give way more…so yes if the very least someone messes with your morning ritual of peace and coffee -> kick their ass🤪. Some things you don’t screw with.
    You are doing an amazing job and are such a wonderful person – strike a poise my friend!😊🤗❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah thanks sweet Dwight. I would be a total mess if I hadn’t given up the booze and was happily playing myself with bottles if wine through lockdown. A total mess. Yep, the milk did it and that was that. Hope you are ok. I’ve been planning my list of things I’m going to do. Yoga (not quite like in the photo), learn basic piano skills, 10 mins meditation and get outside everyday for 30 mins to hr … either walking or running … but something. That’s my plan after reading your post 😄😄 xxx

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  6. Haha about the growing/destruction skills… too cute. And wow… am impressed with your yoga skills. 😳😆🎉🙌 Looking fine. But… 6 months!!!!!! That is truly fantastic. Congratulations, Claire, on not only achieving 6 month of sobriety but also all this time supporting and inspiring others on their journey. Hugs!! 🤗🎉💖🎶

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Great pose, you look great, so young and slim 😉
    Seriously though well done on 6 months, it really is a significant change to have made and not easy. To do against this current backdrop is even more impressive. Sounds like you are getting lots of things sorted in your life – but the plants- without sounding patronising- have you tried watering them, it does really help😀
    OK I’ll stop you mentioned that you have a temper so I’d better tread carefully. Well done again and keep doing what you’re doing. Jim X

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are treading on thin ice Jim … very thin. It’s nit one of my best photos either! Have you even tried yoga? I think you’d be a natural 😉

      Yes I watered the plants. Thanks for the helpful suggestion.

      Haven’t you got a lobster 🦞 post you need to write?

      Thanks for being there over this last 6 months. Funny to think we’ve been blogging pals for 6 mths now isn’t it?
      Claire xx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. bahahaha I love the yoga pic 🙂 I always end up thinking the people who can do that stuff start yoga after a life long career in gymnastics and therefore operate in a realm outside of the reach of us mere humans. Basically, that they’re aliens. ANYWAY congratulations on 6 months and on standing up for Mom’s milk even if some proverbial fans did end up getting hit. Setting boundaries can be hard and often we wait until we are ready to explode before saying anything, and when we do, it’s too late: people better start running away ASAP 😉 xxxx sending big hugs and warning to not take my comment too seriously (I have emerged from a 10 hour writing session and my brain is no longer functional) xoxoxoxo Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  9. As always, I relate to so many things you said here. I am also anticipating staying at home for some time as the world decides to test reopening. And sometimes I need to stomp around, too. 😁 I’m so glad you were able to have your needs met, my friend. Sounds like it was overdue to have a dedicated work space. I’m so happy for you. 6 months! Yoga! Running! Is there nothing this superwoman can’t do? Much ❤️ and many 🤗, 🌱

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well between you and me there are a fair few things I can’t do but we’ll just focus on what I can. The yoga is hilarious … it really isn’t my natural way of being but it’s something I’ve always wanted to try. 6 months for you soon xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can’t really claim 6 months I’m afraid. I am not drinking now, but I did have some wine again since last time. I actually don’t feel terrible about it, and I’ve realized I prefer not drinking. But I haven’t blogged about it yet because I haven’t figured out what to say about it exactly. But I will soon. It HAS been 6 months since I fundamentally changed my relationship with alcohol, though. I think your yoga ing is awesome. It is great to finally do those things we’ve always wanted to try!

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  10. My mantra is stillness and peace, and I have practiced yoga and been sober since 2013.
    I still get angry, upset, depressed, hysterical.

    I wish I could avoid all this, but apparently these emotions are what make us human. They change contented from being bored, to being satisfied.

    Plus, no milk for my coffee would be a huge issue here too.

    Hugs.
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the really supportive comment. I have continued with yoga each day and I just wish I’d started earlier in life. I’m ready enjoying. 3 years is brilliant. I’m always so impressed and in awe. Thanks again

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Huge congratulations on 6 months sober – that’s amazing. You’re an inspiration in your own right! Good luck with the yoga too; I’ve been doing a 30 day yoga series on Youtube and I’ve found that with time, it’s helped me a lot. I hope yours helps you😊 x

    Liked by 1 person

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