Resilience

I have been thinking today about sobriety and what it has given me. It can be difficult to hold onto the positives of giving up alcohol as it becomes the norm. In the initial months of becoming sober the fantastic changes I felt inside and huge improvements in my mental health were a daily occurrence and realisation. I spent every day thankful and grateful for all sorts of impacts it had on my life. Better sleep; waking up feeling well; less anxiety; increased self esteem; a feeling of peace; more hours in my day; respect from my teenage boys; less internal and external conflict; less guilt; resilience; more focus; improved memory; better self control; and so on and so on.

The list is endless and is all a direct result of removing alcohol from my life. Awareness of these changes and positives fades as they become part of the status quo. Surely I was always this resilient? I never had problems with self esteem and setting boundaries did I? Calm and peace is not new is it? Nope I wasn’t, yes I did and yes it is. Personally I think it’s really, really important, as we clock up the sober days, months and then eventually years, to remind ourselves about the reality of what life was like BS (before sobriety).

BS, I was fragile and vulnerable. I was teetering on the edge, in a constant state of ‘fight or flight’. The slightest issue, event or comment could send me over that edge, into conflict or despair. I had absolutely zero resilience. Zilch, nada, nil. Resilience is such an important thing to have in life. How we achieve it I don’t know. Where it comes from is still an enigma to me. Maybe different people build it in different ways. What I do know is, when you have the internal strength resilience gives you, life is much more doable and challenges are not insurmountable. Sure, you still feel low, fed up or downright miserable some days. At times people can offend, upset and infuriate you. Situations don’t always go your way. Resilience helps you move through all this without falling apart. Sobriety provides us with that resilience.

I notice now that my vulnerability has lessened, I’m less affected by what others think about me. I want them to like me, of course, but I know that stuff happens around me that I can’t control and people will form opinions that have no bearing on the truth or facts. This has come with sobriety and this brings more resilience. Life is pretty tough when you feel constantly fragile. Like at any moment you might break or shatter. I am the opposite of that now. I actually feel strength inside and out. The first step towards this change was saying ‘bye’ to booze. Practicing yoga and mindfulness have built on the foundations laid down by being alcohol free. I knew I wanted to try these and the advice from my sober tribe when I wrote my post ‘Musing over mindfulness, meditation and mereally gave me a push to give them a go. I am now addressing my diet and ensuring I am eating for positive physical and mental health. Continuing to build, brick by brick, my own personal wall of resilience.

Tomorrow it will have been 9 months since I put a glass of wine to my lips and every day of those 9 months has made me stronger, tougher and more resilient. That’s why I am sober and that’s why I will stay that way.

Love Claire x

50 thoughts on “Resilience”

    1. Though it doesn’t always feel that way I know it is the case. There will always be challenges to face but not relying on alcohol has, I think, given me strength to work through them and not fall apart whilst doing so. X

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  1. at 16 days AF I find so much inspiration from your posts, particularly this one, thankyou for sharing your insights and congratulations on where you are at right now. I will keep this post for reading again when i need it ❤ x

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    1. Wow … good for you for giving yourself this chance and thank you so much for reading my posts and commenting. I am delighted they help others. That’s what our sober blogging community is all about. Keep reaching out and get support. It’s honestly worth it. X

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  2. Amen. I believe sobriety has been the foundation for my own resiliency, even if I have not always felt strong or stable.
    Even in the lowest days a small part of me joy will return. That is a priceless gift.

    Hold on to that. It is precious.

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    1. I agree. There are still many wobbles and challenges and I don’t always feel I can cope but I do and with far less drama and emotion that I used to. That drama only led to more anxiety and tension. Now the feelings, though difficult, do pass and I can let go of them more easily. That is a big relief. I’m glad you feel this too. Xxx

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  3. This is so awesome! I’m super happy for you and I love how when not drinking I am in control of me. 100%. Alcohol took over and not only when I drank it but also it was always on my shoulder telling me to drink, even if I wasn’t. I hate that feeling. I love how you put your building your personal wall of resilience. Perfect! Sending a big hug your way! ❤️

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    1. As always Jackie your comment made me smile. You are so lovely and thanks for such supportive words. I like the control feeling. Knowing I’m not going to suddenly lose control and totally fall apart. Life isn’t always joy but better to deal with difficulties on a solid foundation. Hope you are ok after losing your little dog. ❤️❤️

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      1. You said it perfectly! I can’t imagine dealing with losing Minnie and still be boozing. A clear mind can be difficult in times like these, but I really needed to deal with it, with that clear mind. So thankful for this group for encouragement! I’m missing her so, but now have some smiles remembering the good old times with her. Much history in near 14yrs to remember. Thank you for being a good friend! 😃❤️

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  4. Love this post and the self reflection, it gives a lot of hope to people at the start of their journey like myself. Congratulations on nearly 9 months that’s amazing. So pleased to hear it’s worthwhile. You’ve hit the nail on the head with each small positive change being like a building brick xx

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  5. Good morning Claire, I stumbled upon your blog through another blog.. (have to go backwards to figure that out now…) but I am delighted to have discovered your journey. Your nine months is like a decade compared to my paltry 47 days, but I think when you were at 47 days, maybe it felt like as huge a hurdle as 9 months? I am also journalling through a blog, but it’s pretty quiet and that’s ok! I find so much support in discovering brave women like you. I am 54 and trying this journey for the first time, whilst living in a community of full on active wine moms. It hasn’t been awful; COVID has helped keep us all from socializing and such so I think that’s been the reason for my success haha! Anyway, I’ll quit babbling, but I look forward to digging backwards in your journey :).

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    1. Hi Ronda, so sorry for late reply. Your comment went into spam for some reason so I didn’t see it until now. Good for you and congrats on 47 days sober. Not paltry at all, really impressive and well done. Keep blogging and commenting. Thanks for your lovely words x

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  6. Holy Guacamole Claire 🙂 CONGRATULATIONS on 9 months and on this beautiful post. It felt like you were reading my mind and putting it all to words 🙂 I am so happy you/we’ve come this far. ❤ Remembering BS is soooooo important, thanks for the reminder ❤ xxx Anne

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    1. Thanks for the congrats Anne. It’s so easy to forget where we were back then. Not saying it’s all roses right now but life is always going to be that way and it’s the way I handle and deal with it all that’s makes the difference. We all have to remember a bit of BS don’t we? ❤️❤️

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  7. Fantastic inspiring post Claire – you’re so right the good stuff fades into normalcy and then the sneaky moderation voice starts whispering – great to be reminded in such an affirming way – you are a strong sober sister! 💞💞💞

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    1. Thanks. Life is a bloody pain the neck though. Today has dished out a fair few challenges and I wondered if it was testing my resilience because of the post 😂. Still here though, not in a heap and not drinking. Tomorrow is a new day. We get back up, dust off those knees and go again xx💕💕

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  8. Congratulations! Resilience is what’s called for these days and I’m glad you have a solid supply. Definitely agree we need to be kind to others and ourselves! 💕

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  9. Great post Claire and a reminder of why we all do this. It is indeed easy to forget the many positives that after a while we take for granted but we need to remind ourselves or we would be back where we started. Resilience is a mysterious quality as you say. Every time we get through a difficult period and emerge intact it can grow. As they say “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Congrats on 9 months! Jim X

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  10. Yes!! “Nope I wasn’t, yes I did and yes it is. Personally I think it’s really, really important, as we clock up the sober days, months and then eventually years, to remind ourselves about the reality of what life was like BS (before sobriety).” Yes!! ❤

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    1. It really is. I don’t think I have been doing that enough Elizabeth. If we don’t check in with ourselves and reflect back then I think we risk our sobriety. I don’t want that to happen so I am going to continue to be mindful of what it has given me. Xx

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    1. Please don’t 😂😂
      My resilience is being tested right now and I’m learning that the bricks can come down as well as be built up. Deep sigh 😔
      Thanks for commenting Lovie. Hope you are ok xx

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  11. It feels nice to know your struggle to keep wine away from your lips. I appreciate that a lot. It takes a lot of courage and resilience to do so. I am so proud of you. You have gathered a lot of positive energy in you now, and now you spreading it to people through this blog post of yours. Keep being positive, my best wishes with you.

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