Struggled a little yesterday evening and found myself in ‘persuasion mode’. We really are very clever at feeding ourselves bullshit to have the excuse and permission to drink! I didn’t, thankfully, and this morning I am so grateful for that. It has also reminded me of how powerful my thoughts can be when it comes to my addiction to alcohol and how fabulous it feels each time I ignore them and resist. It was good to have that reminder.
So, today I have a few plans but luckily no social engagements. I have a yoga class at 11am and then I’m planning my youngest boy’s 16th birthday. I’m hoping to start some meditation practice again today.
I am very tired even though I am constantly sleeping. I also have a continual headache. It’s unpleasant but not wholly unwelcome. In an odd way I find it reassuring because it counteracts my thoughts that ‘I’m not THAT bad, I don’t really drink THAT much …’ . If four days without alcohol makes me feel this exhausted and poorly then it’s very clear to me; I really was THAT bad and I really do drink THAT much!
Reflections this morning are:
- I definitely have an alcohol addiction
- I absolutely am doing the right thing in choosing sobriety
- I am on the right track and each day will confirm that just a little more
- Today I will not drink
Love Claire x
Ditching the Wine 
Well done on staying strong Claire 🙂 you can be really proud ! And remember, in about a week you’ll start feeling much better and like yourself again ! Keep going 🌱
I hope you enjoy the yoga class ! I’m going to do some now, though it’s getting hard to forward fold with the growing bump !
Xxx
Anne
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So good for you and baby to do regular yoga though.
Thanks. I know I have to get to at least 7 days and I’ll start to feel the benefit which is so motivating. It’s just really tough at this point. But it’s the right thing to do. Xx
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Enjoy your morning yoga! Beautiful picture. I remember being very snippy with others in the first stages of getting control of my alcohol also. 😬 Made me realize how much I was addicted to it. I absolutely love my mornings now. It’s Saturday, I woke up at 5am. I’m about done with my morning coffee hour as I call it and headed to workout. I have a small old school work out area in the corner of my basement. I do have to work a few hours today but I’m starting my day off right. Once in awhile I’ll reflect on how I used to sleep till the last minute before work and then hurry out the door feeling groggy. No more of those days! 😃✔️
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Keeping those things in mind, how we used to feel, and the lovely feelings of new sobriety, is so important. Thanks for checking in with me last night lovely xx
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Had a great morning and then work. Last minute my dad ( who is almost 80 ) got a drumming gig close to me. Avery and I ran to it after work. It was wonderful to be sober and watch everyone else. Will check in tomorrow for sure, today got away from me. Xoxo
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I love your 4 reflections and I’m proud of you for tackling this issue head on.
Thanks for your comment on my blog – I forgot it still existed, so I’ve killed it today. But it was nice to hear from you.
Re: thoughts. Susan Peirce Thompson calls the convincing voice in our head, “the saboteur”. You call it your “wine witch”. Whatever we call it, it’s so good at coming up with convincing-sounding reasons to abandon our recovery. I’ve found that regular meditation is fantastic for building in some distance from thoughts & feelings… so we’re better able to recognise the saboteur and choose not to identify with it or be persuaded to get on the rollercoaster again.
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Good to hear from you too RB. I am really trying to be honest with myself about this. It’s not easy and even tonight I wavered because my bolognaise didn’t cook properly .. so I immediately wanted wine! “Why not?” yelled WW “it’s Saturday night and the food has gone to s**t. Make up for it with a glass of Sauvignon right now”. Bizarre thought process really. Luckily I took a moment, poured a glass of ginger beer and stopped those thoughts. Now I’m back on track, ready for bath, cuppa and tv!
How’s things with you my friend? X
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Hey Claire, I’ve emailed you at your proton address.
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Great 😊
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You are on the right path, yes there might be some diversions but the fact that you know it’s the right path is the biggest leap of faith. I sure the yoga was the pinnacle of balance perfection. xxxxxxx
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It was! Never wobbled once … we’ll hardly … apart from the couple times I nearly crashed into the lady next to me! Xxx
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I also use the difficulty of quitting as evidence that I truly have a big problem with alcohol. At more than two and a half years without it I still think about it on a regular basis. Being without it is still a thing. That’s pretty intense. So yay for your exhaustion and headache. Yay for your body telling you what crap poison that stuff is. Keep going. Walk really slow. Be open to new tools and structures and choices for keeping yourself safe. And remember to give yourself a treat — often! — for doing what you’re doing. Because as belle says, this shit is hard and you rock!!
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Thanks so much for commenting. I’m with you. It is really hard and the doubts and thoughts and emotions around it are all consuming right now. But I’m already happier with myself for taking control and being honest about my problem with alcohol. If going two days without a drink is this tough then something is not right!! X
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